I suppose I should be happy that people finally know that Rhode Island is even a state. Growing up, most people I spoke with thought that we were simply an extension of New York. (Clearly their fourth grade teachers did not have as high of expectations for them as I do for my fourth grade students, seeing as I make them memorize all 50 states and their capitals.) I am sure they hate me now for it, but they will certainly be thanking me 10 years from now when they are watching Hawaii 5.0 and are aware that Hawaii is one of our states and not part of California, or better yet, its own separate country.
Not only is "Family Guy" a great educational tool to teach Geography with, but it is also hysterical and extremely inappropriate. As I have mentioned before, I am a huge fan of inappropriate humor and "Family Guy" is never scared to push the limit. I as sure the writers often ask themselves the question "too soon?" and the answer is always an astonishing "No Way!" It pretty much goes without saying that if someone says "too soon?" about a joke, the joke was absolutely hysterical and needed to be shared with the world.
On a side note, if anyone has any good Andy Rooney jokes can you please email them to me?
24. Golden Girls (1985 - 1992) - Who knew old people could be funny? Not this guy. At least not until the Golden Girls came around. I was only 5 years old when the "Golden Girls" premiered and I have to admit that for the first five years of my life there was a void in my television programming. It turns out that void was, indeed, old people. Sure Mr. Rogers was a very old man that I watched often, but all he did was sing songs, talk to toys, and change his sweater and shoes all the time. He certainly never made me laugh. Come to think of it, Mr. Rogers may be the least funny person of all time. I wish that the "Golden Girls" had a special episode where Mr. Rogers came to visit them. I would pay money to see him interact with Blanche, the slutty old lady, or even Rose, the funny, dim-witted old lady. Mr. Rogers would be so out of his element.
Anyway, the "Golden Girls" filled the void of funny old people on TV and even though I probably had no idea what the jokes meant, for some reason I thought they were a riot, and still do today. It is sad that they are almost all dead now, but I would like to thank Dorothy, Rose, Blanche, and Sophia for being a friend. Their hearts were true and they were real pals and confidants. I bet if I threw a party and invited EVERYONE I knew, I would see that the greatest gift would be from them and I am pretty sure that the card attached would say "thank you for being a friend."
23. Game of Thrones (2011 - Present) "Game of Thrones" is VERY similar to "Golden Girls." It is basically the same show except that "Golden Girls" is about 4 elderly widows searching for a second chance at love, and "Game of Thrones" "chronicles the violent dynastic struggles among the kingdom's noble families for control of the Iron Throne." I'm not too sure exactly what that means, but I got it from wikipedia and it sounds about right.
"Game of Thrones" has only been on for one season and for those of you that have never seen the show I know what you're thinking. How can a show that has only been on for one season, ten episodes, make it in my top 23 favorite shows of all time? I am sure that those of you that have watched the show can attest that there is no real answer for that question. You simply must watch the show for yourself and experience the feelings and emotions that you go through while viewing. At one point, in episode 9, I was actually standing up (maybe even on my couch), with my hands over my face, and watching through my fingers. Like this....
THAT is how intense this show can get. I didn't want to look at what was about to happen, but I just had to.
"Games of Thrones" will return to HBO in April of 2012, and until then I suppose I will just be a miserable, sad human being. Here are the 17 main characters in order of my hatred - love for them. I will avoid any and all spoilers for those of you that may have not seen the show, but lets just say that the first half of the list I either A) can't wait for them to die, or B) was jumping for joy when they died. And the second half of the list either C) was in a deep depression when they died, or D) if they die, I am not watching the show anymore.
17.
Viserys Targaryen - There are no words to describe the hatred I feel towards him.16.
Joffrey Baratheon - My least favorite kid ever.15.
14.
Jaime Lannister - Apparently I hate everyone with blode hair on this show.13.
King Robert Baratheon - Despite his striking good looks, I still can't stand him.12.
Khal Drago - Not scary at all.11.
Sansa Stark - She is also a huge brat, and everything is all her fault, however, if she kills anyone from #14 - 16 I will forgive her.10.
Bran Stark - Poor, nosey little kid. I bet you he really wishes he listened to his mother and stopped climbing things.9.
Catelyn Stark - Uh Oh. Mommy is not happy! Watch out everyone.8.
Jorah Mormont - I am still a little confused about who he is and why he is in the middle of all those scary people, but I certainly do like him.7.
Jon Snow - What a bastard. Like, seriously, he is a real bastard. That is why everyone hates him. I personally think he is a very nice bastard and would certainly accept him into my group of friends.6. .
Theon Greyjoy - Is he a cousin/relative of the Stark family? Or just some random BFF? Either way, he seems like a fun time. Also, he is the brother of Lily Allen, the singer. The actor, Alfie Allen is the brother, not the fictional character Theon Greyjoy, of course.5.
Daenerys Targaryen - I LOVE her, but she certainly can be a little scary and weird sometimes. 4.
Robb Stark - He is about to bust some heads. 3.
Tyrion Lannister - Do you think there is one dwarf in the entire world that did NOT dress up as him for Halloween? I wish I had a dwarf friend so we could have gone out as the Lannister gang. That would have been a tun of fun.2.
Ed Stark - I CAN NOT WAIT to see what he does next season!1.
Ayra Stark - If anyone ever harms her I will kill them. Either that, or I will write a VERY strongly worded letter to HBO expressing my disapproval. These "Game of Thrones" people are quite intimidating and I don't think I will actually be able to kill them without getting my own head chopped off, so the letter will probably be the best way to go.22. Full House (1987 - 1995) - "Full House" is a feel good comedy in which all of life's problems can be solved in single 22 minute episodes. "Full House" can actually replace parents from ever having to teach their children lessons. All parents have to do is buy the complete series of "Full House" on DVD and BAM! you have everything you ever need to teach your bratty kids.
In season one alone you can teach your children:
* Not to be afraid on your first day of school
* Not to be afraid of thunderstorms
* Its ok to be sad on your first Thanksgiving without your mother
* Sibling rivalry is a bad thing and you should love your sisters
and most importantly...
* skipping school to go to the mall and see your favorite singer Stacey Q is NEVER a good thing and you WILL get caught.
I am not going to list my favorite Full Housers in order because that would be very difficult and probably inaccurate because the characters changed so much over the years. How can I compare fat young DJ Tanner to a little bit less fat older DJ Tanner? OR how could I compare cute, sweet, funny, Stephanie Tanner to awkward, nerdy, jealous Stephanie Tanner? That would be nearly impossible.
I do have one question though...
I often wonder if Nicky and Alex Kotsopolis are still real, real, real, real, real ugly. Can someone please send me a picture of what they look like today. Just curious.21. The Amazing Race (2001 - Present) - This show would be even higher than this if it was not for one stupid thing that happens on the Amazing Race that drives me crazy; the horrid "Non-Elimination Leg." I can't think of anything in the world that gets me more angry than a non-elimination leg of the Amazing Race. I feel as though I just wasted an entire hour of my life for absolutely no reason. I usually hold my breath from the minute the last team steps on the mat until Phil, who is a great host, and seems like a wonderful guy in real life, says "I'm sorry to tell you that you have both been eliminated from the race." Last Sunday, however, was yet another non-elimination leg and I literally threw the remote control against the couch and sulked for a good twenty minutes. I understand that this is not normal behavior for an otherwise normal, healthy, popular, sane, thirty-one year old man, but I don't care. Not too much gets me angry in real life, so I feel as though I have the right to throw a tantrum when there is a non-elimination leg of "The Amazing Race."
With all that being said, even though there is a 0% chance that whomever I was partnered with I would not be the first team eliminated from the race, I still would like to give it a shot just so i can possibly travel to some more Hard Rock Cafe's around the world. I would be THE worst Amazing-Racer of all time, not only because I get lost in the town I lived in for 31 years, but also because I would waste all my allotted money on souvenirs, beer, or homeless people on the street and have no money to pay my taxi drivers with. Also, I would come across as the meanest teammate of all time because if my teammate was doing a road block, or detour, or whatever it is when only one person does the task, I would probably be screaming at them to hurry up, and then more than likely blame them when we inevitably got eliminated.
If that doesn't make you want to apply for The Amazing Race with me, I don't know what will.
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