As the final season progressed, and the number of remaining episodes started to dwindle, I began to get a little worried that I was too dumb to watch this show and maybe I just would never understand it. It turns out I was right. I apparently am too dumb to watch "LOST." I have four degrees/certifications in Education and have been teaching a variety of levels for nine years. I am certified to teach English in any country in the World. I do very well in Jeopardy. AND, I have the high score on just about every Mega Touch Trivia machine at any bar in Rhode Island; but I am way too dumb to watch "LOST." The final episode only confused me even more, and zero questions were answered.
I now have the following questions for a television show that I watched for six years.....
* Who is dead?
* Who is alive?
* Who is still on the island?
* Is there an island?
* Who got rescued?
* What was the island?
* Did anyone even survive the plane crash?
* Was it all a dream, or imagined?
* Are they in Heaven?
* Are they in Hell?
* Why is Hurley still so fat?
Anyway, regardless of how confused I am about the show, I really did enjoy it and I am glad that I stuck with it and decided to continue watching even though I didn't understand. "Lost" forces you to pay attention and dedicate yourself to following along, which is welcoming in a world where so many shows are mindless and not even remotely thought-provoking. I, however, tend to enjoy mindless television and the fact that I loved "LOST" so much is a testament to the amazing actors, writers, and producers of the show. I have to admit though that my Tuesday night television lineup is much less stressful now that I no longer have "LOST" to confuse me.
14. Road Rules / The Challenge (1995 - 2007, 1998 - Present) - In what might be the most controversial move I have ever made on a countdown, I decided to combine these two sister shows. "Road Rules" is no longer on, and "The Challenge" is very similar to later day "Road Rules" in which people were voted off if they failed a mission. I did not see the need in putting three Bunim-Murray MTV shows in the top 20, so I took the liberty to combine these two. I hope you all understand and can see where I was coming from. If you can not accept this, simply bump all of my shows down one and make Road Rules #14 and The Challenge #15, which will bump "The Partridge Family" out of the top 100, but I guess that is all I can do.
"Road Rules" went through a lot of changes during the years, but the idea was actually born from the very first episode of season 2 of "The Real World" in which Dominic (a drunk Irish guy) picked up Tami (a black diva) and Jon (a 18 year old extremely religious country boy) and they drove across country to their Real World house in LA. The combination of the the three of them was pure entertainment. Road Rules was born.
Towards the end of "Road Rules" they started voting people off, and I usually like that, however, I did not enjoy it so much on Road Rules because every time someone was voted off a new cast member took their spot. There was never a winner, so I suppose the eliminations were pointless.
I thought I would miss "Road Rules" a lot more than I do, but the truth is that I don't miss it too much. The reason for that is "The Challenge." The Challenge combines former Real Worlders and Road Rulers and here, the eliminations matter because there is a winner. These shows are filled with drama and the elimination battles are always killer. It is a bit sad watching some of the older people compete on the challenges though. Some of them have been on TV for way over a decade and it is a bit sad watching them get old and fat.
Regardless, "Road Rules" was a must watch back in the day, and "The Challenge" is one of my must watch shows today. Season after season I am amazed at how pathetic some of these people are, and how awesome some of the others are.
Below are some of the greatest moments in "The Challenge" history.
Who can forget when Julie tried to kill Veronica. Classic.
Puck spits on David and all hell breaks. The cast refused to let the producers send Puck home. The memories.
Who knew Puck's replacement on Real World, Jo, was the craziest person of all time?
Season 1
Katie and Veronica's parents must be so proud of this scene.
"The Challenge" has now been on for 13 years, which is pretty unbelievable. I would love to say that I have outgrown the show, but I would be lying. I kind of hope it gets canceled soon because it would probably be a bit embarrassing to be an old man and still love these shows. And I know that I do not have the self control one would need to stop watching.
13. Parks and Recreation (2009 - Present) - If you are not watching "Parks and Recreation" than you are really missing out on everything life has to offer. Every episode is a guarantee laugh out loud. There is not one character that I do not find hysterical. I love them all, and would quit my job today AND take a huge pay cut if I was able to work in their office.
This is going to be nearly impossible, but I will attempt to rank them and include a very brief clip of one of their best moments.
10. Donna. She is getting funnier and funnier, and doesn't scare me anymore.
9. Jerry - I LOVE how everyone loves him, but is so unbelievably mean to him. This montage of Jerry clips is LOL funny!
8. Ann Perkins. Here, she is drunk and loses her straw. Who hasn't been there? Ann and Ben are the only normal people in the crew. Apparently normal people can be funny too.
7. Ben - Here Ben is having a very bad day, but it gets even worse when Donna asks if "Game of Thrones" has been canceled..
6. Chris - His favorite word is literally, and I LITERALLY love him.
5. April. She is the meanest, most miserable person ever, and I am totally in love with her.
4. Leslie Knope - She loves Pawnee as much as I love Westerly.
3. Ron Swanson - He is most people's favorite, and I love him a lot, but I can relate to the other two a little more than Ron. Above are some Ron Swanson highlights.
The unforgettable swivel chair.
2. Tom Haverford - This. Is. Me. See video above.
Apps and Zerts
And #1 - Andy Dwyer - Probably my favorite character of all time.... see the short clips below.
Andy pretends he is falling on his Rollerblades, then actually falls.
Andy just learns that food becomes energy.
Andy making an audition tape for "Deal or No Deal" but he thinks it some kind of survival show.
Andy using webmd and telling Leslie she has "network connectivity problems."
Andy's toolbox.
12. The Mole (2001 - 2008) Nothing on television has ever got my heart pounding as fast as "The Mole" did. I know it is ridiculous, but when Anderson Cooper typed the contestants names in the computer I could not breathe. I would hold my breathe until the fingerprint turned either green (which means you were safe) or red (which means you have been eliminated.)
As some of you may know, I was in the finals to be on the last season of "The Mole." I was outcasted at the last second by another teacher/coach and he ended up winning the show. I am not that upset about not being chosen because if I get nervous just watching this execution ceremony, I'm pretty sure I would not have been able to handle it in real life, for real money. I would have been the first contestant in reality TV history to drop dead at one of eliminations, therefore, I pretty much owe my life to Mark, the guy that won "The Mole."
11. The Brady Bunch (1969 - 1974) - I was obviously not alive for the original airing of "The Brady Bunch" but I certainly made up for lost time between 1985 and 1995. I have seen every episode of "The Brady Bunch" at least 5 times, probably much more. For some reason I was really into the show and couldn't get enough of it. I would say that I have successfully related something in my life to an episode of "The Brady Bunch" at least once a month for the past 20 years of my life.
The following is just a few (top 12) of the many moments in which I would say something Brady Bunch related...
12. If I believe something is associated with some sort of bad luck I will say something like "That is more bad luck than the tiki the Brady boys found in Hawaii!"
Get it? The spider was crawling RIGHT TOWARDS that tiki!
11. If I believe someone or something is a particularly bad influence on someone else, I may say "He is a worse influence than Jesse James was on Bobby Brady."
Carol and Mike then had an old creepy man, whose father was killed by Jesses James, come talk to Bobby and tell him what an awful man Jesse James was. It really was quite terrifying. For me.
10. If I am nervous, or shaking for some reason, I may say "I am shaking more than the bracelet Marcia Brady was wearing when the girls and boys were in an epic card house battle to see who would get Alice's green stamps."
WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY, WHY didn't Marcia just take the stupid bracelet off? That is seriously one of life's biggest mysteries. Also in this scene is Tiger's most infamous television appearance. He ruined everything. Fact: shortly after this, in real life, Tiger got run over by a florist truck and died. Karma's a bitch, isn't it Tiger?
9. If I am very excited to meet someone I will say something along the lines of "I am more excited to meet him/her than Marcia Brady was when she met Davey Jones."
Every time my doorbell rings I imagine that it is Brandon Flowers bringing me a copy of his new album, just like Davey did to Marcia.
8. I have never in my life heard the name "Marcia" and not said either out loud, or in my head, "Marcia, Marcia, Marcia."
Poor nerdy Jan. It isn't easy living in Marcia Brady's shadow.
7. Every time I hear anyone with a major lisp I can't help but think of the classic lisp episode with bully Buddy Hinton. It is certain that I will say "she sells seashells by the seashore" with as much of an obnoxious lisp as possible. This episode also gives us the classic lines "baby talk, baby talk, its a wonder you can walk" and the unforgettable "my tooth ith looth" after Peter punches Buddy in the mouth and loosens his tooth. A few times this year a student of mine has said that their tooth was loose, and I say "YOUR TOOTH ITH LOOTH?" and they look at me like I am a moron.
This is one of the funniest things I have ever seen. A MUST watch.
6. Every time I am telling a little white lie and need to make up a quick name, I always say "George, George Glass" just like Jan does when she pretends that she has a boyfriend and makes up a name from the first object she sees.
I can't help but think of the "I love lamp" scene from scene from anchorman every time I think of George Glass. They go hand and hand.
5. Every time I or someone I am with gets hit in the nose, I have to scream "OH, MY NOSE" and cover my nose with my hands just as Marcia does when she gets smashed with the football the day before her big date with the big man on campus, Doug Simpson.
What an awful throw by Peter. Was he aiming for her nose? In this episode we also get the wildly popular "something suddenly cam up" from Doug after he sees her swollen nose and no longer wants to take her on a date, which, I assume, would have been to a drive in.
Another hysterical remix. Let's face it, watching her get hit once is nowhere near enough. Another must watch!
4. Whenever I am anywhere with an echo I must yell "BOBBBBBBBBYYYYYYYYYYYYY, CIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDDYYYYYYYYYYY" just like the family does when Bobby and Cindy get lost in the Grand Canyon because they followed some weird Indian boy. I actually agreed to hike the Grand Canyon for FIVE days last year, and the number one reason I agreed to do that was so that I could yell "BOBBY, CINDY" in the Grand Canyon, which was a life-long goal.
Oh my God, I could watch that for days and days.
3. Whenever anyone even remotely plays with a ball in any house how can you not say "mom always said, don't play ball in the house."
Very cleaver Nick at Nite. Very cleaver, indeed.
2. I am a guy that always has about 5 pounds of stuff in his pockets. I always have my wallet, keys, cell phone, and ipod (when it is not lost.) I usually have gum or candy, some sort of medication, a writing utensil (if it is not behind my ear) and loose change, among many other things. However, I hate sitting down with anything in any pocket. Every time I sit down I have to take everything out of my pockets. Even if it is a tissue, it must come out. It obviously is an OCD issue that I need help with. Anyway, there is not a day that goes by that I do not think about Bobby Brady (and if someone else is around say out loud that I am just like Bobby Brady) taking all the random garbage out of his pockets when he is accused of stealing Cindy's beloved Kitty Carryall doll. It is impossible to not feel so bad for poor Bobby when everyone is certain it was him. As it turns out, it was that awful dog Tiger; hoarding the kids toys in his little dog house. Did that dog do anything but cause problems for the Bradys?
I can not believe how funny these remix videos are. Where have they been all my life?
<object width="480" height="270"><param name="movie" value="http://www.cbs.com/e/ieX4yTr__eewMOG84QnX3gcMbW8ORJtF/tvcom/1/" /></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"></param><embed width="480" height="270" src="http://www.cbs.com/e/ieX4yTr__eewMOG84QnX3gcMbW8ORJtF/tvcom/1/" allowFullScreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object>
* youtube did not have the amazing clip of Bobby emptying his pockets, but you can click on the link above and watch the ENTIRE episode. Or just fast forward to the 17:30 mark.
1. There will never be a time in my entire life that I hear/see/smell/think of pork chops or applesauce and do not say "Pork Chooooooops, and applesauuuuuuuuuuuuccccce, isn't that sccccchhhhhwelllll." I have no idea how people can actually order pork chops at a restaurant and not say it like Peter Brady. It would be impossible for me to do, therefore, I have never and will never order pork chops. Teaching 4th grade I see applesauce just about everyday, so you can imagine the torture that I go through during snack time. I spend minutes just repeating the phrase in my head, as you can only say it out loud so many times before you really start to annoy your students and make them self-conscious about bringing applesauce as a snack.
I agree with Mike and Carol, Peter's personality is wonderful just the way it is.
TOP 10 Coming Soon!
No comments:
Post a Comment