Survivor: San Juan Del Dur, Episode 6

               The winners of Survivor: San Juan Del Sur's sixth episode is not Immunity bearing Hunahpu; it is in fact, the producers and special effect team. There is NO WAY that the producers (Probst included) did not know it was going to be monsoon'ing the night that Hunahpu's shelter was disassembled by big bad Probst. How anti-climatic would it have been if it was a beautiful, dry night, and the camera men only captured footage of the Hunahpu 7 sleeping peacefully under the bright stars? Whether or not they decided to destroy Hunahpu because they closely monitored their weather bug apps, or if the entire monsoon was staged by Mark Burnett is yet to be determined, and quite frankly, the world may never know.

Before I begin the countdown, I will introduce you to a new feature on Ryan's Countdowns: San Juan Del Sur edition. The Probst quote of the week. 

"Just because it's in there, doesn't mean it's right." - J. Probst referring to Reed and Baylor blindly sticking wooden pieces into a puzzle. At least that is what I think he is referring to. 

Onto the countdown...

13. Dale 

Dale, pondering whether or not he can convince Jon that Kelley's glasses are actually a hidden immunity idol. 

I have to hand it to Dale for at least attempting to save himself from almost certain elimination this week, but he probably could have at least jazzed up the rock he found on top of the well on day one. 

Dale showed some genuine emotion this week. His recap of daughter Kelley's tribal council elimination last week "the roughest thing I've ever seen her go through" and "felt helpless as a father" was overly dramatic, and I assume quite an insult to anyone who has actually had a child go through a legitimate traumatic event or health scare. 

At least now Dale can spend the rest of his Survivor time mending the broken relationship he has with his daughter. "Kelley and I are going to have a LONGGGGGG talk tonight" Dale said in his goodbye video, as America simultaneously says "hasn't the poor girl already been through enough." 

12. Wes

"Hey, wait a minute. I just realized I haven't spoke out loud in ten days."

As the weeks go by, it is becoming more and more painfully obvious that the only reason Wes was casted on Survivor is because they really, really wanted his eccentric father, Keith. Looking back at the first six episodes, just about the only time we heard anything from Wes was when he was interacting with his old man. The merge couldn't come at a better time for Wes because he has been so invisible that I don't even remember what his voice sounds like, but I'm fairly sure it was barley comprehensible. 

11. Jeremy

Jeremy, completed disgusted with his tribe over RiceGate 2014

Typically, I hate everything about Jeremy's complaining and grumpiness. This week, however, while I still hated his complaining and grumpiness, I kind of agreed with him. The game is Survivor. You are going to be hungry. Very very hungry. But, you never know when food will come your way. In the case of Hunahpu, they won the world's biggest shish-kabobs the very next day. "Why are you all so hungry over a little bit of rice?" Jeremy yelled to the poor camera and mic man. I am not sure that sentence makes any sense what-so-ever, but I kind of understand what he means, and for the first time, I felt a little sorry for the guy. 

I have a strong feeling that his quote from last night, "I need to make the merge and make some magic happen," is foreshadowing that he will indeed make some magic happen come merge time, and I fear a favorite of mine may pay the price for magic-man Jeremy. 

10. Julie

"Oh my God, Probst. All we have to do is give you our tops and we get more rice. That is so easy. Sign me UP!" 

"No, Julie. Probst said we have to give him our tarp. We are going to be TARPless, not topless."

Julie had a bit of a difficult week. First, she had to give Jeff Probst all of Hunahpu's comfort items, including blankets, pillows, and the tarp. That means Julie is going to get cold, and Julie hates being cold. Then she found out that her friend Kelley got voted out at the last tribal council. As if all that was not bad enough, an impromptu monsoon came and got Julie all wet and cold; she shivered and cried all night and get very, very wet. Poor Julie. She should quit, because it all seems so unfair; no pretty person should be that cold, wet and hungry while playing Survivor. 

9. Alec

Alec Christy: Meat Collector

It seems as though every episode we get to learn a new fun fact about Alec, and the fun facts keep getting stranger and stranger. We have learned of his daddy and older bro issues, his fear of having people snatch things from him, and the fact that he is a superstar car washer. This week we can add meat collector to the list. Alec loves meat so much that his "skirt was blown up" (!!!) when the tribe won the reward challenge and were rewarded with heaps and heaps of meat. And we all know, if there is one thing that all meat collectors love, its a shish-kabob.

8. Reed

Reed, doing a little warm up for his individual reward challenge debut.

Reed is starting to actually get some screen time, and his impressive reward challenge performance proved that he is a physical competitor. The fact that he can put his foot above his head (see pic) probably played a huge factor into why he could basically walk over the obstacles while blindfolded (see below).

He and Josh may be in for some trouble next week if they are not in the majority alliance, and with Josh as likable as he seems, Reed may be the first to go post merge. And as we are just getting to know him, it would be a shame. If he had that big of a meltdown winning the reward challenge, I would pay to see his reaction to a visit by a loved one. 

7. Missy

Missy, explaining how she used to try and ditch Baylor at the grocery store every time she spotted a potential husband, but the little brat always kept finding her. 

Missy certainly didn't have her "World's Proudest Mom" apron on this week. First, Missy had to sit and watch as her daughter got demolished in the reward challenge. This was Missy's face during her daughter's embarrassing attempt at earn her tribe some meat..

She then had to endure a tribal council in which Probst basically accused her of being an awful mother and losing her daughter at the grocery store all the time. Then she watched as her daughter started crying and I don't even think Missy knew she was crying. 

The positive for Missy: After barely surviving the final pre merge tribal, Missy should easily cruise to the final episode, and more than likely, final 3. 

6. Josh

Josh, upon seeing the meat that Probst had to offer him. 

Josh has been a favorite of mine since day 1, but the previews for next week look awfully bleak for Josh. Now that he has a little meat in him, hopefully he will be able to secure a win in the first immunity challenge, and somehow get the spotlight off of him and Reed. Josh is way too big of a character to go this early, so I really hope the merge treats him kindly. Ideally, him and Reed team up with Jon/Jaclyn and Missy/Baylor. All they would need is a swing vote from Natalie, and they are the final 7. Simple as that. But nothing, ever, on Survivor, is as simple as that.

(For those of you wondering, if I were Josh the above strategy is exactly what I would follow - but form the tightest alliance with Missy and Baylor, and a secret final 3 deal with Natalie - , and I would vote off, Jeremy, Alec, Wes, Keith, Julie) in that order. Then I would turn on Jon and Jaclyn with Miss and Baylor. Then I would turn on Missy and Baylor using Natalie as the swing vote. Then I would beat Reed and Natalie and win $1,000,000.) But what do I know?

5. Baylor

Baylor, traumatized by grocery shopping with Missy.

Correct me if I am wrong, but I believe that this is Baylor's first tribal council without receiving a vote. That is an accomplishment to be proud of. And I am not referring to Baylor; I am referring to me, predicting Baylor to win this season after the first episode. Baylor had two girls fighting to go to exile island with her (presumably so they could solidify an alliance with her), and that is never a bad thing. Despite the fact that my 90 year old grandfather could have completed the reward challenge faster than Baylor, she had a decent episode, and, if she plays her cards right next week, could become the queen bee of the island, and, more importantly, well on her way to winning me the office pool.

4. Natalie

Natalie getting her first look at the new Coyopa tribe. Minus her BFF, Kelley.

Natalie never misses a beat. Once she realized that Kelley had been voted off of Coyopa her head began spinning; realizing that she could be on the wrong side of the numbers come merge time. So what does she do? She volunteers to give up Probst's meat, to spend some time with Baylor. I am sure some sort of girl power alliance was formed here, and Natalie will be working very closely with Baylor and her mom next week, and from here on out. Great move by Twinnie #1.

3. Jaclyn

Jaclyn, sitting pretty.

While Jaclyn is sexy, sweet, and sassy, it currently seems as though her main role is simply to be that of Alpha Male Jon's girlfriend. From an outsiders perspective, when she was alone on Coyopa, it looked like she went along with the groups decision, and didn't have too much of an opinion. Now that she has Jon, it seems as though she is there to support him and follow his decisions. Of course this could be the editing. And of course, I couldn't care any less who or what she follows, because she is pretty much perfect. 

2. Keith

Classy Keith

I am beginning to love Keith. He is about as laid back as a Survivor castaway can get. For an older guy, he has flown under the radar quite well, and the merge could not have come at a better time for him. He will now meet up with his son, and should not be a target to get rid of for a VERY long time. AND he has a real, hidden immunity idol. If Keith continues along this path, he may take that hidden immunity idol home as a souveniour, as well as the $1,000,000 check. And a $1,000,000 check where Keith is from is like $1,000,000,000 to the average non-Louisianan America. 

1. Jon

Jon, debating on whether to keep listen to Dale talk, or kill himself. 

First of all, why did Coyopa let Baylor do the reward challenge, and not challenge king, Jon? What a stupid, stupid decision. Jon un-twirled the bag from the slinky looking metal during the immunity challenge like it was literally his job. He has dominated in every challenge so far, but the only thing he apparently cannot do is hang up decorative curtains to match a pattern (but I am going to go ahead and blame Missy for that one.) He was a little bit premature in yelling "Who's Big Jon now," during the immunity challenge, but over-confidence gets even the best of us sometimes. And anyway, he has always been Big Jon to me. 

The upcoming merge will make or break Jon, and I am praying it makes him, because, along with his girlfriend, he is one of the only relatable, semi-normal castaways this season, and there will be a gaping hole should he be voted off. I'm pulling for a record breaking ,11 win in a row, individual immunity streak for my man Jon.  If anyone can do it, it'd be him. Or me. 

PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 6: BAYLOR
PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 5: BAYLOR
PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 4: BAYLOR

PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 3: BAYLOR

PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 2: BAYLOR

PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 1: BAYLOR

WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 6: JON

WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 5: JON

WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 4: JON

WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 3: JON

WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 2: JON

WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 1: JON

THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 7: REED

THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 6: DALE

THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 5: WES

THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 4: DREW

THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 3: JACLYN

THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 2: JACLYN

WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 7: JEREMY

WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 6: JEREMY

WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 5: JEREMY

WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 4: JEREMY

WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 3: ROCKER

WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 2: ROCKER

Survivor: San Juan Del Sur, Episode 5

The tribal switch often is the first time we see some castaways start playing the game, and this week was no exception. Nobody can hide after a tribal swap, and Blood Vs. Water seasons only seem to intensify the brightness of the spotlights that some castaways find themselves under.  Swap and merge episodes are typically action packed, and only leave room for one challenge, but the pole shaking part of this challenge was one of the coolest, original parts of any challenge in recent memory. I would love to see a challenge next season that just involves shaking poles, and I never thought I would type that phrase in my life.

Onto the countdown.

14. Dale

Dale, throughly enjoying the experience of a lifetime.

Dale has been on a rapid decline for a few weeks now, and this week he has solidified his spot as my least favorite castaway. Clearly he has some anger issues ("It's OUR camp, MY rice, stay the hell away." "I haven't thrown a rock at anyone yet.") as well as something against younger woman. I am not sure why anyone is surprised that he can't get along with Baylor, seeing as he has had some pretty significant issues with maintaining a relationship with his own daughter. 

After referring to Missy as a "self-centered, bossy bitch" Dale has shown that despite being the oldest member of his tribe, he clearly has not learned how to be a mature, respectful adult. I don't think he is winning over too many female fans, or making any fans in general. Using his own words, hopefully the Coyopa tribe has "one less mouth to feed in 3 days", and hopefully its his. 

13. Jeremy

Jeremy couldn't be happier about the tribal swap. 

Being a Survivor expert and all, I knew that when Jeremy was bragging about him being in a "beautiful spot" within his tribe, that the tribal shake up would probably not work out in his favor. Survivor has the art of foreshadowing down to a science. 

The morning after dissing Jon in his confessionals, Jeremy's reign as the king of Hunahpu tribe came to an abrupt end. Only time will tell if his strategy of "surrounding and drowning" Alec will work, but either way, I love watching him squirm. 

12. Wes

Wes, upon realizing that his new tribe only has two scoops of rice left.

Wes, or Wesley as Papa Keith likes to call him, is fading further and further into the background. While he is doing quite well in the physical challenges, he will never be as good as the physical powerhouse stud, Jon. He has a few funny redneck joke lines, but he will never be as red-necky funny as his father. He is playing a decent strategic game, but nowhere near the game that Josh and Baylor are playing. 

Unless he does something big soon, the next tears he will be shedding, may be as he is taking the lonely walk down elimination dirt road, after Probst ceremoniously snuffs his torch. 

11. Alec

Alec, winner of Survivor: Christy Brothers

Alec has accomplished the goal he set for himself on Survivor; he outlasted his brother, officially beating him in something for the first time in his life. Beating his brother aside, it's tough to tell if Alec was happy or pissed his brother was gone. I think it will benefit Alec in the game, and now that he seems to be the swing vote on his tribe, he could find himself in an alliance that propels him to the end of the game.

My favorite quote of the week came from Alec, and it was quite deep. I'm sure it is a quote used often, but I have never heard it before: "The juice isn't worth the squeeze" Alec PROMISED new tribe mate Reed, in response to Reed's desire to kill a vulture. I'm not sure how Alec knows so much about vultures and their scent, but I will take his word for it that they stink something awful. 

10. Reed

Reed, pondering his next barter with Probst.

Reed has become quite the spokesperson for his tribe, as far as proposing trades for Probst pre and post challenges are concerned. After this week, however, he may have a new job as a spokesperson for Kentucky Fried Chicken, or its sister company, Kentucky Fried Vulture.

Now that his boyfriend Josh is on his tribe, he may end up getting a bit more screen time, as short lived as that may be. They are the only couple on the new Hunahpu tribe, and the only thing that should be bigger than the targets on their backs are Julie's boobs.

9. Kelley

Kelley, upon hearing the news that she will now be on a tribe with her dad.

Poor Kelley. Not only did she get blindsided by getting voted off this week, but she also was unfortunate enough to have to spend her final days with her father, who is becoming quite volatile. We saw Kelley being more of a mother to Dale than a daughter, and I doubt there was anyone that was happy last night that Kelley had to take the fall for her cranky father. At least he was considerate enough to not rip the glasses off of his daughters face and use them to practice his fire starting skills. 

BOLD PREDICTION ALERT:

Kelley and Drew will have "made up" by the time we see them at the reunion, as they spent quite some "time together" at losers lodge. And by "made up" I mean "be in love", and by "time together" I mean "banged."

8. Julie

Julie, doing her best to explain how she still has not been voted off. 

Nobody has benefited from a loved one being voted off more than (Angelina) Julie has. She is now a much needed number for a vote on the Hunahpu tribe. I am convinced that Julie goes off site for a bit before she does her confessionals, because she always looks super hot, and the opposite of what one would look like after being stranded on an island for 13 days. If Hunahpu wins next weeks immunity challenge, I expect Julie to make it to the final 5, no questions asked; and on beauty alone, it will be a well deserved accomplishment. 

7. Missy

Mother of the year, Missy

As any typical mother would do, Missy not only protected her daughter this week from Big Bad Dale, she also ensured that her daughter received two extra spoonfuls of rice. If Missy has taught me anything this week, its that my mother and grandmother would be the worst Survivor castaways of all time because we would be out of food on day 3 due to their persistence that I eat as much rice as possible.  Missy could be in some trouble if Jon and Jaclyn decide to team up with the old men, and break up the mother-daughter duo, which I don't want to see happen, but is completely plausible. 

6. Natalie 

Natalie, the most famous Sri-Lankan female Survivor contestant of all time. 

Natalie may have faded into the background the past two weeks, but she certainly has not stopped playing the game. She has been at the center of nearly every single Hunahpu strategy conversation, and even though she may be in the minority if Reed flips to Josh and the former Coyopa boys, I'm sure that Natalie will find a way to save herself. She seems to be quite obsessed with forming a "singles" alliance, and I will be shocked if she doesn't succeed and make it to the very end.

Despite the fact that her knee is more bruised than I have ever seen a knee in my life, she still kicks ass in competition, and could still kick my ass, even if her knee was snapped in half.

5. Baylor

Baylor, lusting after sexy couple Jon and Jaclyn

Yes, I have said it before and I will say it again; Baylor has been my pick to win since episode 1, and even though she has almost been voted off 4/5 times, she is still my pick to win. Anyone that can survive receiving votes all four tribal councils she has been to, clearly has some power behind her that we are not seeing. 

Since I am a self proclaimed Survivor guru, I would be mortified if my week 1 pick was voted off pre-merge, which is why Baylor has nearly given me a stroke for a solid month. 

4. Josh

Josh, if you close your eyes and think hard enough, maybe Probst will appear with a big bag of rice at your camp. 

Josh continues to impress me. This week he was a bit under the radar, but his reunion with Reed allowed us to see a more playful side of him. If he can keep Alec and Wes close to him, and force Reed to vote alongside them, he will likely win the game. If, however, he lets Jeremy "surround and drown" Alec, this all-star-worthy castaway could see his time on Survivor come to a disappointing, untimely end. 

3. Keith

Keith, hanging out with all his friends on the new Coyopa tribe.

From the look of despair on his face when he realize the repositioning of the tribes, to the look of confidence on his face at tribal council, Keith was a complete stud this week. He sat back and let the couples duke it out, and simply voted with the majority. His positioning in the new Coyopa tribe should cruise him right along to the merge, and I couldn't be happier.

Keith's one-liners at tribal are hysterical, and I think even Jeff Probst, who typically hates older people, may have a soft spot in his heart for the guy. Keith will outlast his son, and Keith will be remembered as one of the best characters of the season. Hands down.

2. Jaclyn

The new Queen of the Beach, Jaclyn

Nobody has had more of a successful turn around than Jaclyn. She was all but guaranteed to be the 2nd voted out of the game. Then, I was sure she was going to be voted out 3rd. Then I was positive she would be voted off 4th. Now, she is in the best spot of anyone in the game. Worst case scenario, she has her boyfriend there to take the fall first should the natives decide they want to break up the king and queen; but let's face it; they are so perfect that people would never want to vote them out.

Jaclyn also proposed, what could possibly be the greatest strategic plan in Survivor history, to her boyfriend Jon. "Soooooooo, we got to get to know people more." Brilliant.
This girl is the complete package.



1. Jon

King of the Flint, Jon


This dude has got it all. He gets a tribe swap right when he is in the most danger on his tribe. He is in the majority alliance on his newly formed tribe. He is the most physically strong guy left on the island. Jon has the hottest and coolest girl on the island, and he is, self proclaimed of course, better looking than Brad Pitt.

Jon has been my favorite since week 1, and from the looks of it, has the potential to be an all-time Survivor fav. I fear that Coyopa may lose immunity again next week, forcing them to vote off Dale. While I strongly dislike Dale, this would be terrible news for Jon, as the Coyopa tribe would likely be on the wrong side of a merge, and Jon would be target number 1 for the duration of the season.  Hopefully Jon and Jaclyn can solidify their alliance with Misty and Baylor. All they would need to do would be get Keith and Wes on board and we could have the potential for an epic Jon Michigan win.
I fear, however, there is a better chance of Jeff Probst cooking Hunahpu pork fried rice than Jon winning this game. 

PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 5: BAYLOR
PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 4: BAYLOR

PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 3: BAYLOR

PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 2: BAYLOR

PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 1: BAYLOR

WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 5: JON

WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 4: JON

WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 3: JON

WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 2: JON

WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 1: JON

THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 6: DALE

THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 5: WES

THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 4: DREW

THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 3: JACLYN

THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 2: JACLYN

WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 6: JEREMY

WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 5: JEREMY

WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 4: JEREMY

WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 3: ROCKER

WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 2: ROCKER

Survivor: San Juan Del Sur, Episode 4

Either the Survivor editors are doing an exceptional job this season in assuring that viewers are satisfied with the results of Tribal Council, or the San Juan Del Sur cast is doing a great job at

voting off the person that I want to see have their torch snuffed. In each of the first four weeks we saw the eliminated castaway portrayed as either an awful game player, or an awful human being, and I can't remember being so satisfied with the first four boots in a very long time. 

This week there are some major shake up's in the castaway's  rankings...

15. Drew

Drew, doing what he does best. Besides European modeling, of course. 

- While Drew single-handedly shot himself in the heart this week, and made himself look like a complete scumbag, I do have to admit that I liked his determination with the flint bartering. I'm not sure why the rest of the tribe mates (especially Kelley) were so against him asking. What was the worst that could happen? Probst could make you feel like a complete moron, sure, but it is a risk they all should have been willing to take. 

It pays to have some friends in the editing room, and clearly Drew has none. This episode alone we hear him saying "I'm a ladies man, and it works to my advantage" and "All these bitches will come to us"  (only to have him voted off by all the woman. He also said, "I'm a badass and a manipulator of this game" (only to have him be voted off a half hour later.) 

Even his best buddy Jon told him he was being a jackass because he was talking about voting off Kelley right in front of her. His response: "I don't care."

Drew has said some funny things this season, and I was beginning to like him, but this episode brought that process to a screeching halt. 

14.  Dale

Dale, either having a heart attack from exertion, or from disbelief that his tribe actually won an immunity challenge. 

At least Dale realizes how screwed he is in regards to his positioning within the tribe, and it looks like next weeks tribe switch may allow Dale a new lease at life. Dale has become quite the sideline cheerleader, but his taunting "you throw like a girl, Jon" is probably not going to do him any favors when it comes time to make new friends next week. In a dream world, he will end up on the same tribe as his daughter, Kelley, and she will lead the charge to send her old man packing. 

13. Jeremy

This behind the scenes footage may be the closest we ever get to seeing Jeremy actually smile. At least, I think that is an attempt at a smile. 

If anyone isn't there to have a good time, it's Jeremy. Would it kill the guy to tell a joke, or have a laugh? Jeremy may be playing a decent game, but I think his mouth (announcing to the entire tribe that he was in an alliance with Keith at tribal), and temper (Jon, get your boy; get your dawg), may get him into trouble sooner rather than later. Next week is a huge week for Jeremy, because if he can take control of his new tribe, he has a good chance of making it to the end. But, if he is on the wrong side of a newly formed alliance, he could easily be the next to go. 

12. Alec

We learned a lot about Alec this week. First, Alec hates it when people snatch things from him; especially tree mail. We also learned that Alec has been a car-washing pro since he was a little lad; in part due to his older brother's laziness. His dad wouldn't even bother to wake Drew to wash cars, because he knew, quite frankly, that Drew "wouldn't be worth a damn", so he woke Alec. (on a side note, that sounds EXACTLY like me, my brother, and my dad. And yes, I am the Drew.)

I liked Alec up until this episode, and maybe now that Drew is gone, and we don't have to listen to Alec's bro and daddy issues, I will start to like him again. 

11. Reed

Reed, barely visible

I keep waiting for a breakout Reed episode, but it doesn't seem like that is going to happen. Before this episode I knew that Reed....

* Was Josh's boyfriend

* Was a Broadway performer

* Could put his leg behind his head

Now, after episode 4, I can add "Is a terrible diver" to the list. 

This is basically what Reed looked like during the diving part of the Immunity Challenge...

Hopefully the tribal shake-up introduces viewers to Reed, because he seems like a nice guy that doesn't deserve to be ranked so low. 

10. Wes

If Wes spoke this episode, I must have missed it. For some reason I am thinking that Wes was invisible this week because we may be in for a Wes vote off next week. With the orange tribe down in the numbers, and a tribe swap next week, Wes will be a huge target if he is separated from his alliance members. Hopefully, we get at least one more awkward Wes-Keith moment before they part ways for good. Maybe a good-ole Louisianan alligator-wrestling-mud-match, or whatever the hell they do down there.  

9. Kelley

Kelley, trying hard to pretend like she is not listening to her tribe mates conspire to vote her off.

We finally got to know Kelley this week, and while I liked her a little more when I didn't know her, she does still have potential. We saw a lot of eye rolling and looks of inferiority from Kelley this week, but most, if not all of them were directed towards Drew, so they are to be forgiven. Hopefully Kelley will come out of next weeks episode on the same tribe as Jaclyn, so we can she the two blondies duke it out. This mud wrestling possibility is much more desirable than the aforementioned Keith-Wes mud battle. 

* On a side note, the fact that she has never missed an episode of Survivor makes her 100x hotter than I already thought she was. 

8. Baylor

Baylor, preparing to flash her tribe in return for her safety.

Until she is voted off or wins the game, I am going to mention every week that she has been my pick to win from episode 1. This week only solidified my bold prediction. Here is why...

Baylor is physically strong - She beats her mother Immunity Challenges. This week she swam out to a ring and untied it faster than her mother. Granted her mother was busy stuffing her breasts back into her bathing suit, but Baylor still beat her, nevertheless. And Baylor didn't even have to fake cry to make her mom feel bad.

Baylor gets what she wants - Baylor has made the vote go her way all season so far. And this week, so wanted the tree mail, so she snatched it from Alec, knowing how much Alec hates it when people snatch things from him. You know, because his older brother is a dick. 

Probst trusts Baylor - This week Probst trusted Baylor enough to THROW the Immunity Statue at her. Baylor easily could have dropped the Idol and smashed it into pieces, or worse yet, let it plummet to the ocean floor, but, she caught it; just like Probst knew she would.  Can you imagine Probst casually tossing the idol to Dale? Nope, that would never happen. Because Probst doesn't like old people. 

7. Julie

Julie Angelina Jolie

Is it just me, or are Julie's lips and boobs getting bigger and bigger each week? If she makes it to the final tribal council they may need to get a camera with a wider lens. Anyway, I am excited to see Julie start playing the game by herself. What a relief it must be to have your boyfriend, who is hated by everyone, voted off. She can finally find some shade away from that spotlight she has been standing under since Rocker's identity was revealed. 

6. Keith

Keith, and his words of wisdom

Keith was a complete superstar this week. After unsuccessfully searching for the immunity idol, he outwardly accused his alliance member, Jeremy, of being in possession of the idol. While the rest of the tribe was relaying this information to Jeremy, Keith decided to resume the search after realizing that maybe he wasn't "due north enough." Not only did Keith find the idol, but he scared the shit out of himself when he stumbled upon it. 

5. Missy

Missy, scouting out husband #4

Highlights of Missy's week. 

* We finally got a chance to see her game play, and it rivals her daughters. I would be shocked if they were not the last couple left in the game. 

* Missy let it all hang out at the immunity challenge, and although her daughter edged her out, she did a fantastic job of replacing her boobs back into her top every time they popped out. 

* Missy called out half of her tribe at tribal council for being selfish and lazy. That takes some guts.

This woman is good. And not afraid to tell it like it is. I am becoming a huge Missy fan, and very much look forward to a Missy/Baylor final tribal council. 

4. Natalie

Natalie death glare

As I stated last week, I have a love-hate relationship with Natalie. Last week I thought she was loud and obnoxious, and this week I couldn't get enough of her. I am still standing by what I said in week 1, and think Natalie will be the driving force behind an all-girls (and maybe a few gay guys) alliance, and make it very far in the game. 

Mimicking Keith at tribal council may be my favorite Natalie moment ever ("I'll tell you one thing, Jeremy got dat idol.") There is something about hearing a twenty-something year old Sri-Lankan girl imitate a fifty something year old redneck from Louisiana that I find quite amusing.

3. Josh 

I'm quite curious as to find out what happens next in this Broadway play (I'm assuming) featuring Josh.

Josh was uncharacteristically invisible this week. But that didn't prevent him from delivering one of my favorite moments of the episode. After Alec finished his attempt to read the tree mail to the tribe, Josh had a puzzled look on his face and requested that he reread the mail, because he couldn't understand what the hell Alec was saying. 

In general, I am looking forward to next weeks tribe swap, but Josh is the only person I'm nervous about being screwed over by the shake up. He is in a great position within his tribe now, and has been playing a near flawless game, and I will be one pissed off handsome blogger if this is what gets him voted off. 

2. Jaclyn 

We finally got to meet Jon's girlfriend tonight, and she did not disappoint. Jaclyn now has a new life in the game, and for the first time, I see winner potential. Not only did she almost beat challenge king Jon in the reward challenge, but she showed us that she is a strong, confident woman, capable of taking care of herself. She is sexy as hell, and from what I saw in episode 4, seems to be the perfect package.  Hopefully she continue to shine, and does not fall back below the radar she has been under for 3 weeks. 

1. Jon

Jon and his grappling hook

For the 4th consecutive week Jon has taken the top spot in the rankings. Do I think he is going to win this game? Hell no. Does he think he is going to win this game? I highly doubt it. But, Jon doesn't need to win the game because he is having fun, and kicking ass throughout it. Is it a coincidence that the one immunity challenge Jon sat out, is the one immunity challenge his tribe loss? Of course not. Hunahpu would have won that challenge if Jon participated, and Dale would have seen his Survivor game come to an end. 

Now that Drew is out, Jon is on his own, and if the tribal swap was not happening this week, Jon would likely be joining his buddy in losers lodge. Regardless, I fear that Jon's days may be numbered, and I may soon need to find a new favorite castaway to root for. 

PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 4: BAYLOR
PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 3: BAYLOR
PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 2: BAYLOR
PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 1: BAYLOR

WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 4: JON
WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 3: JON
WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 2: JON
WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 1: JON

THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 5: WES
THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 4: DREW
THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 3: JACLYN
THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 2: JACLYN

WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 5: JEREMY
WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 4: JEREMY
WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 3: ROCKER
WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 2: ROCKER

SURVIVOR: San Juan Del Sur, Episode 3

Perhaps I am the next Nostradamus, or perhaps I have just watched too much reality TV the past fifteen years, but just one week ago I correctly predicted (or simply wished) that Rocker would be blindsided at Tribal Council and have his torch snuffed with the hidden immunity idol IN HIS POCKET. To be fair, I also predicted Baylor to win the game from the first episode and she has almost been voted off every council so far. I suppose only time will tell if I really am a Reality TV prophet, but until then, I will continue to shallowly judge people based on how they are edited on television.



16.  John Rocker - I am sure that my neighbors have grown accustomed to hearing me yell and scream around 8:55pm on Wednesday nights, but, lets just say that my excessive celebration displayed during this weeks tribal council would have got me in more trouble with the NFL than Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson's punishments combined.

Just about all of Rocker's tribe mates said it best this week when they referred to him as "negative." It is such a simple word, but it describes John Rocker perfectly. A cloud of negativity has followed him since he was thrown into the spotlight back in the late 90's, and he did nothing to help his imagine during his stint on Survivor.

John Rocker clearly has some anger issues ("If you were a man, I would knock your teeth out." "Let's clear this and fight.") and hopefully, for Julie's sake at least, he can learn from this experience and try to become more positive. He already has a best-ally-on-a-Survivor-tribe gay best friend, so maybe his black heart is starting to learn to be a bit more accepting of those a bit different from him.



15.  Dale - Is it just me, or does Dale look like he has aged 25 years in the first nine days? 55 year old Dale looked like he was 80 when he was cheering from the sidelines throughout the entire episode.

Dale - Day 1

Dale, Day 9

Dale's cheerleading and taunting ("AIRBALLLLLLLL) was only overshadowed by his Jaclyn-from-tribal-council-two, "oh shit! I'm next" facial expression at tribal council, where he found himself on the wrong side of a Rocker blindside.

14.  Natalie - There have not been many reality tv personalities that I have had a love-hate relationship with more than Natalie/Nadiya. While they have a fun-loving, light-hearted, humorous side; they also have a nasty, catty, vindictive side. Their inconsistency is the only thing consistent about them. Natalie is the kind of girl that I would love to have a few beers with, but leave before she got drunk and started yelling at everyone.

This episode is a prime example of my inconsistent feelings towards Natalie.

* Shoving palm fronds up an unsuspecting tribe mates nose while they are trying to sleep? Hysterical.

* Screaming and hollering, and making a fool of yourself after winning an immunity challenge?
Not hysterical.

I can't stand consistently inconsistent people in real life, and, therefore, have decided that I can't stand Natalie. At least for the moment.



13.  Jeremy - Jeremy's grammar school math teacher must have had her head in her hands as he was yelling at the TWO girls on the opposing tribe for not voting out one of the FIVE guys. "You girls need to do something, and get rid of the guys." I'm not exactly sure what he wanted them to do besides stick in a few extra votes while they were voting, but he was certainly pretty angry about the men voting off the women, and the women not doing anything about it.

After calling Drew a moron, and predicting he will quit the game, he outed Rocker; calling him a homophobe and racist. Jeremy has not had many nice things to say about really anyone so far, and while I agree that Drew could easily decide to quit the game, I am hoping it is Jeremy that decides to quit; leaving his "lazy, moronic" tribe mates to fend for themselves.



12.  Jaclyn - Relative to the first two episodes, Jaclyn had quite a bit of screen time towards the end of episode 3. She even said "I don't want to vote Dale out", which is more game play than we have heard from her all season so far. She requested that her male tribe mates "grow some balls" and stop picking on her and Baylor, which was quite a risk considering that if Rocker felt threatened and played the idol, her only "friend" would have been voted off. Again.


My favorite Jaclyn moment this episode was when she told Probst that if she made the merge, she would be a big threat. I am pretty sure that if Jaclyn makes the merge, she will not be able to be voted off until people figure out what her name is. And, if she is lucky, Drew will still be around, and will think her name is Kelley, and accidentally vote for the wrong blonde hottie.



11.  Reed - Since Reed has been demoted from playing Rocks-Paper-Scissors after last weeks loss to Rocker, Reed's only real screen time this week came as he was seen in the background, helping the girls of the blue tribe weave palm fronds for the shelter's new roof, and giggling as Natalie stuck her palmy greens up Drew's nose. Reed has been flying so far under the radar that even his tribe mates don't know his name. Maybe if the blue tribe ever loses, we will finally get to see if Reed is any good at the game of which his boyfriend is currently in complete control.

       This modeling picture of Reed, is exactly how he is playing Survivor; just kind of blankly there, lingering in the dark background.




10.  Keith
What I liked about Keith:
The fact that he said if Drew was his son, he would spank and whoop him like the folk in Louisiana do to their children. I pray that Keith and Wes both make the merge and we have the opportunity to see Keith spank Wes when Wes is feeling a bit lazy with his camp chores.

What I disliked about Keith:
When Rudy Boesch was on the first season of Survivor, America thought his comments towards his gay tribe mate, Richard Hatch was hysterical. Why? Well for one thing it was 2000, over fourteen years ago. A lot has changed in America throughout the past fifteen years, and (most) people tend to be a lot more accepting of diversity. Also, Rudy Boesch was seventy years old and an ex Navy Seal. It probably would have been more surprising if he wasn't a bit weirded out by Hatch.

Keith, however, is a fifty-three year old man, that was in his thirties when Rudy was America's favorite old geezer. Granted he is from Louisiana, and apparently people are not gay in Louisiana, but Keith's overly dramatic reaction to sleeping by the fire next to Josh, was a bit absurd for this day and age.

My potential career advice for Keith:
On the plus side for Keith, should he ever be kicked out of his I've-never-seen-a-gay-person fireman community when he returns home, he could always get a job at a pizza place taking pizzas out of the oven, because he had some pretty miraculous saves during that reward challenge.


9. Baylor - Despite almost being voted out at every tribal council so far; I still see Baylor winning this game. I don't know why, but I think she knows what she is doing, and has more control over Josh than we are being led to believe. Even though they keep losing, I think they are the most powerful players in the game, and have the tightest bond. Even though I was convinced she was being voted off last night, even as Probst read the votes, I still think she is going to win the $1,000,000 and in doing so, win me a cool $180 for winning the office pool. #teamBaylor&Ryan



8.  Julie - Her boyfriend being voted last night is the best thing that could have happened to Julie.  Should the blue tribe lose next week, (which I, reality TV Nostradamus, foresee) it is almost certain they will ditch dead-weight Drew, now that Julie lost Rocker.  Unless she totally messes up during an immunity challenge, she could be able to make the merge, align with the remaining orange tribe members, and make it pretty far in the game. That is, if there are any orange tribe members left come merge time.



7.  Wes - Blood Vs. Water is turning into more of a father-son therapy for Wes and his old man, Keith. Two weeks ago Keith claimed his son had the mental capability of a rock; and now Wes announces to his tribe that his dad "wouldn't be good AT ALL at it", referring to the reward challenge. Im not sure what Wes and his dad do in Louisiana that would allow Wes to be so certain that his dad would suck so much at walking on a suspending log while transporting wooden square blocks from one end to the other, but he sure was adamant he knew his father's capabilities.
Of all the remaining couples, I think Wes and his dad would be the most entertaining to watch post merge, should they both make it that far. In fact, maybe next season should be Survivor: Louisiana (only locals need apply.)



6. Missy - By default, Missy is the Survivor "mom" this season. She comforts tribe mates when they are upset (Julie), she cries when other people cry (Keith and Wes), she attempts to teach "lazy morons" how to weave palm fronds, and she let's her daughter beat her in challenges. Every season of Survivor needs a "mom", and while Missy clearly has not figured out the whole "wife" thing yet, Survivor is really helping her sharpen up on her maternal skills. We haven't really seen Missy actually play the game yet, because, simply, she has not needed to play yet. But, I'm rooting for her to fly by long enough to meet up with Baylor at the merge and take it all the way to the final 2, where she will inevitably BEG the bitter jury to vote for Baylor to win the game; because she is, after all, a mom. If my mom and I were the final 2, she would accompany each jury member into the voting booth and plead and cry until they finally agreed to vote for me to win over her.



5.  Drew - Little did we know, but not only is Drew a quasi-successful model overseas, but he also apparently dabbles in meteorology on the side. Who knew?
I worry that Drew may have unintentionally sealed his own fate this week due to his monsoon predictions. If he never decided to play Al Roker, he would have never insisted that they need a new roof for their shelter. If they never needed a new roof, then they never would have had to weave palm fronds. And if they never needed to weave palm fronds...

A) Reed would have been completely invisible this episode.
B) Natalie would never have stuck a palm frond up Drew's nose.

and most importantly,

C) Drew would have never quit making palm fronds after 2 minutes and take a nap.

Then, the tribe would have never called him a lazy moron, and maybe he would not get his torch snuffed the first time the blue team loses an immunity challenge. (My Nostradamus prediction.)



4.  Alec - I am starting to become quite impressed with Alec's gameplay, and I see winner potential. He is physically strong, has a tight bond with the majority alliance, and thinks before he reacts; even if he does end up making a stupid decision. (John is a physical asset, so, yeah, let's vote him off.) Alec will outlast his brother. Alec will outlast most of his tribe, and Alec will outlast most, if not all, of the blue tribe. He is not the strongest, he is not the weakest, he is not the smartest, he is not the dumbest, he is not the biggest game player, but, he does not fly under the radar. Despite being part of a losing team, he is playing a nearly perfect Survivor game. At this rate his brother will be very well rested, very well fed, and very, very intoxicated, while Alec is pleading with the jury for a $1,000,000.



3.  Kelley - Kelley is so pretty. And laughs when people stick palm fronds up sleeping people's noses.
That is all the information I need to rank her as my 3rd favorite castaway.




2.  Josh - For the third week in a row, Josh is my second favorite castaway. This guy keeps getting better and better, and is playing an All-Star worthy game. He is funny, likable, athletic, smart, and well-worded. The ONLY flaw I can see so far with Josh, is his complete inability to tell a lie. Just minutes into the episode we hear Rocker asking Josh who he thought it was that switched their vote at the last tribal council. Before Rocker could finish his sentence, Josh said "IT WAS ME!" This, I imagine, is what I looked like as Josh was spilling his guts.....

Luckily, my man Josh turned on Rocker before Rocker could turn on him. Any "gay guy from New York" that could get a "Louisiana hick" and JOHN F*$#@ING ROCKER to not only align with him, but genuinely like him, in just 9 short days, deserves nothing but the upmost respect.




1.  Jon - I don't care that Jon was barely shown in this episode, because he is AGAIN responsible for winning immunity for his blue team; ultimately sending John Rocker packing. Jon continues to be light-hearted, and goofy, and seems to be an all around great guy.  He hasn't caused drama, he has been painfully honest, and he has dominated in every challenge so far. His strength will probably ultimately be what gets him voted off, but frankly, he whopped John Rocker multiple times, all while being a complete gentleman, and that, to me, is more important than winning $1,000,000






PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 3: BAYLOR
PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 2: BAYLOR
PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 1: BAYLOR

WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 3: JON
WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 2: JON
WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 1: JON

THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 4: DREW
THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 3: JACLYN
THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 2: JACLYN

WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 4: JEREMY
WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 3: ROCKER
WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 2: ROCKER

CASTAWAY I WANT TO GET A BEER WITH (WEEK 3): KELLEY
CASTAWAY I WANT TO GET A BEER WITH (WEEK 2): NATALIE.
CASTAWAY I WANT TO GET A BEER WITH (WEEK 1): JON. AND HIS FAMILY