Episode two of Survivor: San Juan Del Sur has shaken up the favorite castaway countdown more than the dice in an intense game of Boggle. While many have plummeted, a select few have rose from the ashes, and have impressed me with their drive, game play, and most importantly, wit.
While it is still difficult to rank them so early on, it is important to remember that this is simply a countdown of how much I like them, not how stellar of a game they are playing.
17. John Rocker - It is quickly becoming painfully obvious that Rocker will more than likely be my least favorite for the duration of the season. It seems as though most of the castaways are now, or are soon to be aware of his past, and hopefully it will lead to his elimination. The ONLY thing that impressed me about Rocker this episode was his victory against Rock Paper Scissors Reed in the reward challenge, which coincidentally has been the orange tribes only victory so far.
Of course it could be the edit he is receiving, but clearly his baseball career has not helped him cope well with losing. When his girlfriend spanked him in the reward challenge, Rocker responded exactly the way I, and presumably, most of America, assumed he would respond; like a 10 year old boy that was embarrassed about losing a tetherball match to a girl on the playground. As if having a penis is somehow supposed to make you better at balancing a ball on a plate while traversing through a miniature obstacle course.
Hopefully his "Hidden" (seriously, was it just lying on the ground seven steps away from the well?) immunity idol accompanies him on the walk of shame soon. And hopefully, it will be a blindside that goes down as one of the best the show has seen.
16. Val - The biggest drop of the week goes to Val. Pre season, Val was Jeff Probst's pick to win the whole thing (17th place is close enough, Probst.) It may be easy to initially compare Val to Cirie, an all time Survivor great, but last night's episode shot that comparison down harder than Prost shot down Reed's request to trade their beans for flint. Cirie would NEVER make the amateur mistake that Val made when lying about having not one, but TWO immunity idols. Granted, the producers are now basically hiding immunity idols in their canteens, but even Russell Hantz wouldn't be allowed to find two idols in the first three days. She put up a decent fight against Natalie in the immunity challenge. And by "decent" I mean fought hard for about 15 seconds before collapsing to the floating board and flopping around like an injured seal trying to prevent being rolled back into the ocean.
15. Keith - Keith was mostly invisible this episode, but one pretty significant thing happened to him. He lost his joust in the immunity challenge. To Dale. If I could have been watching last nights episode anywhere, it would be in Keith's firehouse with all of his fireman buddies. The bashing Keith must have received would probably have been more entertaining than the episode itself. Keith has potential to be a great character, but I am beginning to fear that we may have already seen the best of him in the premiere. GET IN!
14. Baylor - Baylor takes a huge drop in the rankings this week, and it can be attributed to her pathetic performance in the immunity challenge, after her mother bumped into her lip. While I am sure it hurt, she was overly dramatic and her pouting was embarrassing. She all but forced her mother to feel bad enough to throw the challenge for her, and what could have been an amazing duel, turned into Missy basically jumping into the water at the sound of Probsts' second "Go!"
I am sure that some of her ex-step dads were loving watching her make a fool of herself on national television, because I have a feeling that they were quite familiar with that whiny, childish behavior. After episode one, I predicted Baylor as the winner, and while she may be in trouble soon if she keeps being wishy-washy, I still think she can pull it off if she stays close with her bestie Josh.
13. Dale - I wonder if Dale is beginning to regret voluntarily breaking his glasses on day 1, because he seemed to be having a hell of a difficult time seeing what was happening at the reward challenge. He was slipping and sliding back and forth on his bench like a swinging pendulum. Ultimately though, his vision didn't impede his ability to win his immunity duel in the battle of the oldies. My heart went out to Dale when he admitted that, even though it was his daughters birthday, he wanted her to lose the immunity challenge so his tribe would be safe. No wonder why she hated him for at least three years.
12. Jeremy - If Jeremy and I were on a tribe together, he would hate me. Early on in the episode we hear Jeremy discussing how annoyed he is with Jon and Drew because they were "so happy" and having a good time around camp.
I really hope that Jeremy flies off the handle after realizing his wife has been voted off, and his reactions are the catalyst behind him being one of the next to go. He will certainly be gunning hard for Julie next week, after having been promised by Rocker that he would protect his wife. I can't fault Jeremy for playing the game hard, but I can fault him for being a buzzkill around camp; as there is nothing I hate in life more than a buzzkill.
11. Reed - After praising Reed last week for his seemingly uncanny Rock-Paper-Scissors ability, what does he do this week? He loses because he throws ANOTHER ROCK! The orange tribe must have had a plan to take down Rock Paper Scissors Reed, and it worked.
Reed has been a bore so far, especially compared to his boyfriend Josh, who is running the show on his tribe. Besides losing at Rocks Paper Scissors, Reed was responsible for nearly giving Jeff Probst an aneurism with his ridiculous request to trade their reward winning beans for another piece of the all-important, apparently life-saving flint. I am beginning to think that Reed must have lost another game of Rocks Paper Scissors back at camp, which led to him having to be the poor sap that had to ask Probst for such a bold negotiation.
10. Jaclyn - So far, Jaclyn's main role has been that of Val's sidekick. This week she actually said a few words at tribal. She backed up Val when she was yelling at Baylor. She yelled "Yeah, YOU SAID YOU WOULD VOTE WITH US!!!!!!!" The camera even did a close up of Jaclyn as Val's torch was being snuffed. If there was an emoji face for "oh shit, i'm next" it would be Jaclyn's face as Probst was giving the tribe his weekly, post vote off, fatherly advice.
9. Wes - Thankfully what Wes lacks in his mental abilities, he makes up for in his physical abilities. His surprising victory over Jeremy in the immunity challenge was impressive and should help Wes to be seen as more of an asset to his tribe. If he makes it to the merge, and that is a big IF, he should do well in the physical individual challenges, which should counteract the fact that he will come in dead last in every mental challenge. Also, now that the entire tribe knows about Rocker's identity, Wes should become less of a target of Rocker's and may actually have a chance of surviving a few more tribals should/when orange keeps losing.
8. Julie - It looks as though Julie should start packing up her skimpy bathing suits, because Val's vote-off has all but sealed her fate. I am not sure why Julie agreed to do Survivor with John, because it was inevitable that she would eventually be voted off through no fault of her own. She has done well in challenges, and seems to be liked by her tribe, but now that Jeremy is pissed at Rocker, Julie will pay the price.
Maybe I have not noticed before, but Julie turned a bit ghetto last night when comforting Natalie about Nadiya's elimination. "If it was your dude, you'd be like whatever, but its your sister, so be sad." Julie is right, when her "dude" gets eliminated, there won't be a wet eye in the house.
7. Missy - I wonder what all of Missy's ex husbands were thinking last night as Missy and Baylor were envisioning one of their heads as they were smashing each other with jousting sticks. I'm sure that if you were outside, anywhere in Texas last night around 8:30 you could hear a collective "Are they talking about me?????" from all the men in Texas that have been married to Missy.
It was impossible to not feel for Missy during the immunity challenge last night. She basically was forced to throw the challenge after her daughter split her lip open, and blamed Missy. If my mom and I are ever on a season of Survivor: Blood Vs. Water, I am sooooooooo going to fake an injury and push her off the platform quicker than Probst can say "Medic!!"
6. Alec - As I correctly predicted last week, Alec lost the Bro Vs. Bro jousting battle, to his model brother Drew. Alec, however, is looking very secure with the position he's in with his tribe. He seems to be likable, useful in the challenges, and in a solid boys alliance. We even started to see some of his lighthearted and playful personality come through this episode as Old Man Dale was tearing up over his decision to root for his tribe mate (Jaclyn) over his birthday girl (Kelley.) After Dale's emotional explanation for why he didn't want to watch the two girls joust, we hear Alec yelling "Birthday girl is going downnnnnnnnnn." It was immature and insensitive. And I absolutely LOVED it!
5. Natalie - First of all, any twenty-eight year old that has not shed a tear in tens years, must have some serious emotional issues. I'm a grown man and I cry watching The Voice. I'm not really sure what that says about me, but that's besides the point. I am loving the idea of watching Natalie play this game alone, and I think she is going to go VERY far. Her emotional breakdown after finding out that her twin had been eliminated was genuinely a great Survivor moment because, as Natalie said, they are ALWAYS together, and always have been. Natalie is not afraid to speak her mind, and I have a feeling that she is going to be a key player down the road in forming and maintaining some sort of powerful female alliance and knock out some big dogs.
4. Drew - My favorite moment from episode 2, and quite frankly, one of my favorite Survivor moments in recent history, was brought to us by European model, American Drew. As same sex couple Josh and Reed were preparing to face off in their jousting match, their tribe mates began cheering for them to defeat their loved one. Clearly Drew and his tribe mate haven't had much time to bond in the first SIX DAYS, because Drew yelled "LET'S GO JOSH!!!" As casual as my Friday work outfits, Jon leans towards his tribe mate bro, and says "It's Reed that's on our team." One would think that after spending every waking (and sleeping) moment for six days with someone, you might know their name.
3. Kelley - I thought that I was beginning to tell Jaclyn and Kelley apart; that is until the sexy jousting match between them took place. There was blonde and boobs all over the place, and suddenly it didn't matter who was in blue who was in orange. And suddenly I didn't care who won, I just didn't want it to end. After I wrote out the family trees of the castaways, I realized that Kelley was in blue and is the daughter of Dale. I figured it out just in time to hear her comment on her dads victory over Old Man Keith. Kelley's verbal contribution on this weeks episode was "Crazyyyyyyyy. My dad's insane."
I am really leaning towards Dale being a crazy lunatic, as the reasoning behind their rocky relationship.
2. Josh - Hands down, Josh is playing the best game out of everyone. He has Baylor under his thumb and is super tight with the boys. He is in great shape, extremely likable, and ready to play the game. He noticed John and Val coming out of the woods and knew there must have been some sort of scheming going on, especially because John hates black people and would never voluntarily talk to one unless forced to, or to help him get ahead.
At the immunity joust, Josh was heard cheering "Get Him Off, Get Him Off" and I love that the editors decided to include that rather than leave it on the cutting room floor. A word of advice to everyone; if you EVER have an opportunity to chant "GET HIM OFF, GET HIM OFF" do it.
1. Jon - For the second week in a row Jon has taken the top spot. Why, you ask?
* Jon does squats with driftwood.
* Jon was second in the world in Tae Kwon Do (wait a minute, second in the worldddd?????????? even better than like people in Korea?) What?!!!!?
* Jon loses flint.
* Jon ADMITS he was responsible for losing the flint when he clearly could have blamed someone else. Blame the old guy, buddy!
* Jon knows the names of all of his tribe mates.
* Jon awkwardly claps when his tribe wins immunity at the cost of his girlfriend being jousted into the ocean.
And....
* Jon not only beats John Rocker in immunity challenge jousts, but Jon gives John Rocker bloody noses.
Michigan Jon is a stud to the nth degree.
PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 2: BAYLOR
PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 1: BAYLOR
WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 2: JON
WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 1: JON
THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 3: JACLYN
THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 2: JACLYN
WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 3: ROCKER
WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 2: ROCKER
NEXT CASTAWAY I WANT TO GET A BEER WITH: NATALIE.
FIRST CASTAWAY I WANT TO GET A BEER WITH: JON. AND HIS FAMILY
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