Perhaps I am the next Nostradamus, or perhaps I have just watched too much reality TV the past fifteen years, but just one week ago I correctly predicted (or simply wished) that Rocker would be blindsided at Tribal Council and have his torch snuffed with the hidden immunity idol IN HIS POCKET. To be fair, I also predicted Baylor to win the game from the first episode and she has almost been voted off every council so far. I suppose only time will tell if I really am a Reality TV prophet, but until then, I will continue to shallowly judge people based on how they are edited on television.
16. John Rocker - I am sure that my neighbors have grown accustomed to hearing me yell and scream around 8:55pm on Wednesday nights, but, lets just say that my excessive celebration displayed during this weeks tribal council would have got me in more trouble with the NFL than Ray Rice and Adrian Peterson's punishments combined.
Just about all of Rocker's tribe mates said it best this week when they referred to him as "negative." It is such a simple word, but it describes John Rocker perfectly. A cloud of negativity has followed him since he was thrown into the spotlight back in the late 90's, and he did nothing to help his imagine during his stint on Survivor.
John Rocker clearly has some anger issues ("If you were a man, I would knock your teeth out." "Let's clear this and fight.") and hopefully, for Julie's sake at least, he can learn from this experience and try to become more positive. He already has a best-ally-on-a-Survivor-tribe gay best friend, so maybe his black heart is starting to learn to be a bit more accepting of those a bit different from him.
15. Dale - Is it just me, or does Dale look like he has aged 25 years in the first nine days? 55 year old Dale looked like he was 80 when he was cheering from the sidelines throughout the entire episode.
Dale - Day 1
Dale, Day 9
Dale's cheerleading and taunting ("AIRBALLLLLLLL) was only overshadowed by his Jaclyn-from-tribal-council-two, "oh shit! I'm next" facial expression at tribal council, where he found himself on the wrong side of a Rocker blindside.
14. Natalie - There have not been many reality tv personalities that I have had a love-hate relationship with more than Natalie/Nadiya. While they have a fun-loving, light-hearted, humorous side; they also have a nasty, catty, vindictive side. Their inconsistency is the only thing consistent about them. Natalie is the kind of girl that I would love to have a few beers with, but leave before she got drunk and started yelling at everyone.
This episode is a prime example of my inconsistent feelings towards Natalie.
* Shoving palm fronds up an unsuspecting tribe mates nose while they are trying to sleep? Hysterical.
* Screaming and hollering, and making a fool of yourself after winning an immunity challenge?
Not hysterical.
I can't stand consistently inconsistent people in real life, and, therefore, have decided that I can't stand Natalie. At least for the moment.
13. Jeremy - Jeremy's grammar school math teacher must have had her head in her hands as he was yelling at the TWO girls on the opposing tribe for not voting out one of the FIVE guys. "You girls need to do something, and get rid of the guys." I'm not exactly sure what he wanted them to do besides stick in a few extra votes while they were voting, but he was certainly pretty angry about the men voting off the women, and the women not doing anything about it.
After calling Drew a moron, and predicting he will quit the game, he outed Rocker; calling him a homophobe and racist. Jeremy has not had many nice things to say about really anyone so far, and while I agree that Drew could easily decide to quit the game, I am hoping it is Jeremy that decides to quit; leaving his "lazy, moronic" tribe mates to fend for themselves.
12. Jaclyn - Relative to the first two episodes, Jaclyn had quite a bit of screen time towards the end of episode 3. She even said "I don't want to vote Dale out", which is more game play than we have heard from her all season so far. She requested that her male tribe mates "grow some balls" and stop picking on her and Baylor, which was quite a risk considering that if Rocker felt threatened and played the idol, her only "friend" would have been voted off. Again.
My favorite Jaclyn moment this episode was when she told Probst that if she made the merge, she would be a big threat. I am pretty sure that if Jaclyn makes the merge, she will not be able to be voted off until people figure out what her name is. And, if she is lucky, Drew will still be around, and will think her name is Kelley, and accidentally vote for the wrong blonde hottie.
11. Reed - Since Reed has been demoted from playing Rocks-Paper-Scissors after last weeks loss to Rocker, Reed's only real screen time this week came as he was seen in the background, helping the girls of the blue tribe weave palm fronds for the shelter's new roof, and giggling as Natalie stuck her palmy greens up Drew's nose. Reed has been flying so far under the radar that even his tribe mates don't know his name. Maybe if the blue tribe ever loses, we will finally get to see if Reed is any good at the game of which his boyfriend is currently in complete control.
10. Keith
What I liked about Keith:
The fact that he said if Drew was his son, he would spank and whoop him like the folk in Louisiana do to their children. I pray that Keith and Wes both make the merge and we have the opportunity to see Keith spank Wes when Wes is feeling a bit lazy with his camp chores.
What I disliked about Keith:
When Rudy Boesch was on the first season of Survivor, America thought his comments towards his gay tribe mate, Richard Hatch was hysterical. Why? Well for one thing it was 2000, over fourteen years ago. A lot has changed in America throughout the past fifteen years, and (most) people tend to be a lot more accepting of diversity. Also, Rudy Boesch was seventy years old and an ex Navy Seal. It probably would have been more surprising if he wasn't a bit weirded out by Hatch.
Keith, however, is a fifty-three year old man, that was in his thirties when Rudy was America's favorite old geezer. Granted he is from Louisiana, and apparently people are not gay in Louisiana, but Keith's overly dramatic reaction to sleeping by the fire next to Josh, was a bit absurd for this day and age.
My potential career advice for Keith:
On the plus side for Keith, should he ever be kicked out of his I've-never-seen-a-gay-person fireman community when he returns home, he could always get a job at a pizza place taking pizzas out of the oven, because he had some pretty miraculous saves during that reward challenge.
9. Baylor - Despite almost being voted out at every tribal council so far; I still see Baylor winning this game. I don't know why, but I think she knows what she is doing, and has more control over Josh than we are being led to believe. Even though they keep losing, I think they are the most powerful players in the game, and have the tightest bond. Even though I was convinced she was being voted off last night, even as Probst read the votes, I still think she is going to win the $1,000,000 and in doing so, win me a cool $180 for winning the office pool. #teamBaylor&Ryan
8. Julie - Her boyfriend being voted last night is the best thing that could have happened to Julie. Should the blue tribe lose next week, (which I, reality TV Nostradamus, foresee) it is almost certain they will ditch dead-weight Drew, now that Julie lost Rocker. Unless she totally messes up during an immunity challenge, she could be able to make the merge, align with the remaining orange tribe members, and make it pretty far in the game. That is, if there are any orange tribe members left come merge time.
7. Wes - Blood Vs. Water is turning into more of a father-son therapy for Wes and his old man, Keith. Two weeks ago Keith claimed his son had the mental capability of a rock; and now Wes announces to his tribe that his dad "wouldn't be good AT ALL at it", referring to the reward challenge. Im not sure what Wes and his dad do in Louisiana that would allow Wes to be so certain that his dad would suck so much at walking on a suspending log while transporting wooden square blocks from one end to the other, but he sure was adamant he knew his father's capabilities.
Of all the remaining couples, I think Wes and his dad would be the most entertaining to watch post merge, should they both make it that far. In fact, maybe next season should be Survivor: Louisiana (only locals need apply.)
6. Missy - By default, Missy is the Survivor "mom" this season. She comforts tribe mates when they are upset (Julie), she cries when other people cry (Keith and Wes), she attempts to teach "lazy morons" how to weave palm fronds, and she let's her daughter beat her in challenges. Every season of Survivor needs a "mom", and while Missy clearly has not figured out the whole "wife" thing yet, Survivor is really helping her sharpen up on her maternal skills. We haven't really seen Missy actually play the game yet, because, simply, she has not needed to play yet. But, I'm rooting for her to fly by long enough to meet up with Baylor at the merge and take it all the way to the final 2, where she will inevitably BEG the bitter jury to vote for Baylor to win the game; because she is, after all, a mom. If my mom and I were the final 2, she would accompany each jury member into the voting booth and plead and cry until they finally agreed to vote for me to win over her.
5. Drew - Little did we know, but not only is Drew a quasi-successful model overseas, but he also apparently dabbles in meteorology on the side. Who knew?
I worry that Drew may have unintentionally sealed his own fate this week due to his monsoon predictions. If he never decided to play Al Roker, he would have never insisted that they need a new roof for their shelter. If they never needed a new roof, then they never would have had to weave palm fronds. And if they never needed to weave palm fronds...
A) Reed would have been completely invisible this episode.
B) Natalie would never have stuck a palm frond up Drew's nose.
and most importantly,
C) Drew would have never quit making palm fronds after 2 minutes and take a nap.
Then, the tribe would have never called him a lazy moron, and maybe he would not get his torch snuffed the first time the blue team loses an immunity challenge. (My Nostradamus prediction.)
4. Alec - I am starting to become quite impressed with Alec's gameplay, and I see winner potential. He is physically strong, has a tight bond with the majority alliance, and thinks before he reacts; even if he does end up making a stupid decision. (John is a physical asset, so, yeah, let's vote him off.) Alec will outlast his brother. Alec will outlast most of his tribe, and Alec will outlast most, if not all, of the blue tribe. He is not the strongest, he is not the weakest, he is not the smartest, he is not the dumbest, he is not the biggest game player, but, he does not fly under the radar. Despite being part of a losing team, he is playing a nearly perfect Survivor game. At this rate his brother will be very well rested, very well fed, and very, very intoxicated, while Alec is pleading with the jury for a $1,000,000.
3. Kelley - Kelley is so pretty. And laughs when people stick palm fronds up sleeping people's noses.
That is all the information I need to rank her as my 3rd favorite castaway.
2. Josh - For the third week in a row, Josh is my second favorite castaway. This guy keeps getting better and better, and is playing an All-Star worthy game. He is funny, likable, athletic, smart, and well-worded. The ONLY flaw I can see so far with Josh, is his complete inability to tell a lie. Just minutes into the episode we hear Rocker asking Josh who he thought it was that switched their vote at the last tribal council. Before Rocker could finish his sentence, Josh said "IT WAS ME!" This, I imagine, is what I looked like as Josh was spilling his guts.....
Luckily, my man Josh turned on Rocker before Rocker could turn on him. Any "gay guy from New York" that could get a "Louisiana hick" and JOHN F*$#@ING ROCKER to not only align with him, but genuinely like him, in just 9 short days, deserves nothing but the upmost respect.
1. Jon - I don't care that Jon was barely shown in this episode, because he is AGAIN responsible for winning immunity for his blue team; ultimately sending John Rocker packing. Jon continues to be light-hearted, and goofy, and seems to be an all around great guy. He hasn't caused drama, he has been painfully honest, and he has dominated in every challenge so far. His strength will probably ultimately be what gets him voted off, but frankly, he whopped John Rocker multiple times, all while being a complete gentleman, and that, to me, is more important than winning $1,000,000
PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 3: BAYLOR
PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 2: BAYLOR
PICK TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 1: BAYLOR
WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 3: JON
WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 2: JON
WANT TO WIN AFTER EPISODE 1: JON
THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 4: DREW
THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 3: JACLYN
THINK WILL BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 2: JACLYN
WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 4: JEREMY
WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 3: ROCKER
WANT TO BE VOTED OFF EPISODE 2: ROCKER
CASTAWAY I WANT TO GET A BEER WITH (WEEK 3): KELLEY
CASTAWAY I WANT TO GET A BEER WITH (WEEK 2): NATALIE.
CASTAWAY I WANT TO GET A BEER WITH (WEEK 1): JON. AND HIS FAMILY
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