I'm not sure why I do this to myself because it only makes me depressed; but I found a "where are they now" of the "Salute Your Shorts" cast, and I can not believe how old I have become. "Ug" is 58 years old. FIFTY EIGHT!
I want you all to share in my pain and depression, so I will rank the cast of "Salute Your Shorts" and include a picture of what they looked like then (in 1991) and, sadly, what they look like now.
#9 -
Donkeylips - And you thought he couldn't get more disgusting than he was as a teenager. I am definitely having nightmares tonight!
#8
Budnick - He is married. With a kid. What is this world coming to?
#7
Telly - What a brat.
#6
Sponge - The blonde Harry Potter before Harry Potter was even born. Good move ditching the glasses, Sponge.
#5
Dina- She was quite mean at times, but there were a lot of pranks being pulled at Camp Anawanna. One may get a tad annoyed with that after a while.
#4 -
"Ug" - Being a 30 something year old full time camp counselor is quite embarrassing, I guess I would be mean to the kids too.
#3
Despite his hair we was one of the coolest kids at Camp Anawanna. Today, he is by far the most successful of the Camp Anawanna kids as he is the lead guitarist in the band Rilo Kiley, and for a while was even engaged to Winona Rider. Quite Impressive.
#2
Michael - The best friend I never had.
#1
Z.Z - God must have spent a little more time on her!
I almost just cried listening to that. I need help.
39. The Apprentice (2004 - Present) - Staying true to form, I don't think there is an elimination reality show that I dislike, however, each new season of "The Apprentice" I ask myself why I am watching this show. I literally could not care any less about Donald Trump and his employees, so why in the world do I care who wins this show? I still don't know why I enjoy the show, but it may have a lot to do with its celebrity seasons. How can I not love a show where Meatloaf has multiple emotional breakdowns then almost rips Gary Busey's head off while being held back by Mark McGrath of the band Sugar Ray. You CAN NOT write that stuff.
Most reality shows have at least a few contestants that I can relate to on some level, but "The Apprentice" contestants always tend to be people who care about being serious, and dressing in suits and ties. I can not think of two things I dislike more; being serious, and wearing a suit.
If you only watch one more video clip for the rest of your life, it needs to be this. Just one of Meatloaf's EPIC Meltdowns. This was over some sponges and finger paints that he thought poor Gary Busey stole. Meatloaf later finds his bag from the arts and crafts store and realizes he may have over-reacted just a smidge.
38. Friends (1994 - 2004) - In my opinion, "Friends" was just a little too inconsistent. Some episodes are classics and some episodes are utterly unforgettable. The writers of "Friends" do deserve credit however, because I don't think there are many people in America that can't name the "Friends" crew. Not only can most people name them, but they probably feel like they actually know them. Each character was so distinct and easy to relate to, which is why "Friends" is such a classic show. I watched "Friends" religiously for about five years. Then, it was placed up against "Survivor" on Thursday nights, and before DVR, there was simply no way for me to watch it. I shudder to think about what I would do today with the DVR............... Fine, without BOTH of my DVR's.
37. Baywatch (1989 - 2001) - The ONLY reason I watched "Baywatch" was for the acting abilities of its cast members. Do I even need to say that I'm kidding?? Did they even talk on the show or just run down the beach and make rescues? I am very partial to "Baywatch" because I was a lifeguard for 8 years and (not to toot my own horn or anything) was kind of a big deal. I suppose I did mean to toot my own horn. I was a lifeguard machine and even was awarded "Rookie of the Year" and several gold medals while taking on the role of the victim in the annual, world famous, Rhode Island Lifeguard Games. I think I am even a better actor than 90% of the "Baywatch" cast. While on the topic of tooting my own horn; I am also charming, kind, caring, generous, intelligent, witty, talented, and an all around wonderful man.
But yeah, "Baywatch" was great, wasn't it?
God, I looked so good in that blue bandanna.
Look at the water dummy. Somebody could be drowning.
36. Romper Room (1953 - 1994) - Many people may not know this show, but in my 31 years of jam-packed life, there are not many things that I have loved more than 5 year old Ryan loved "Romper Room." I will never forget the beginning of each episode when the lady would hold up the mirror and say "I see Bobby" "I see Sue" "I see Danny" "I see Julie" etc. I remember one time, ONE TIME, she said "I see Ryan" and I think that is when I realized that I was not the only Ryan in the world. What would I have done without "Romper Room?"
I know that I probably should not do this, but I am now going to attempt finding a clip of "Romper Room" to share with all my loyal blog readers. (I say I shouldn't do this because as you may know I tend to get a little emotion when it comes to television shows of the past, AND also I have been sitting alone, in Austin International Airport on a few hours of sleep after completing the Tough Mudder challenge, and currently I am extremely sore, exhausted, hungover, and probably extremely emotionally unstable.) A clip of my beloved "Romper Room" may just push me over the edge. We'll see.....
UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM What the F????????????????????????????????? Seriously? THAT is what I loved so much? I know my parents love me very much and always had nothing but the best intentions, but why they let me be so obsessed with this show is a little hurtful. Did they NOT want me to be cool?
OK. I love it again. What a catchy theme song. I wonder if I can download the theme song on Itunes.
35. Top Chef / Top Chef: Just Desserts (2006 - Present / 2010 - 2011) - Now I well aware of the fact that I am an exceptionally bad chef/cook/baker etc, however, watching "Top Chef" and its sister show, "Top Chef: Just Desserts" gives me such a strong urge to make cooking my profession. Occasionally I will try to make one of the delicious, mouth-watering dishes seen on the show. I go to the store, spend a ton of cash on ingredients, make a complete mess of my kitchen, ruin the food, and end up drinking an entire bottle of wine out of frustration. So, thanks a lot Padma, Tom et. all. Its 100% your fault that there is only 2 bottles of wine left in my wine fridge; I take absolutely no blame.
34. Fresh Prince of Bel Air (1990 - 1996) - I have been an avid lover of Rock Music for as long as I can remember. My first cassette tapes were George Harrison's (the Beatles) "I Got My Mind Set On You" and Fleetwood Mac's "Little Lies." Granted, if somebody overheard me listen to either of those two songs today I would be mortified, but they are two of the greatest, most well respected groups of all time (I am obviously referring to the Beatles, not simply George Harrison's solo career.) My first two CD's were Counting Crows "August and Everything After" and Green Day's "Dookie." I have been to hundreds and hundreds of Rock shows over the past 15 years, and own more than 1,000 CD's, 99.8% being Rock Music. I even have a tattoo of my favorite rock band embroidered onto my body. That is pretty hard core, right?
Well, what does any of this have to do with "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air?" Well, the fresh prince almost changed one of, if not THE, biggest part of who I am; he almost made me a rapper.
I remember being so proud of knowing the entire theme song (which, of course, is a rap.) Now, I can do a lot of things very well, I have even been known to get up on stage and belt out a rock song or two, however, I also know my weaknesses and saying I am an awful rapper is still an understatement.
I look back at some pictures of myself and some choice clothing of mine in 4th - 7th grade and it makes me cringe. I have only "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air" to blame for that. YES, of course I own Will Smith's "Millennium" CD, and yes, I do try to strategically place it in my CD tower so nobody can see it, but I have to admit, there was a small amount of time in my life that I could have taken a wrong turn and strayed away from my beloved Alternative Rock music. Clearly our bond was too strong, even for Will Smith to break us apart.
"Fresh Prince of Bel Air" will be a classic, and adorned for generations to come. It also, has the distinguished honor of being my favorite comedy, based on an African American family, of all time. I would, however, like to apologize to every cab driver of all time that has heard the phrase "You, Homes, Smell you later!" as that, too is entirely Will Smith's fault.
33. Top Shot (2010 - Present) - It is very rare that I become so obsessed with a show as quickly as I did with "Top Shot." After only a few minutes of catching a re-run I was hooked. Just like "Top Chef" makes me want to become a chef, "Top Shot" makes me want to become a competitive marksman (is that what you call them?) If I had to say one hidden talent that I have; if I was forced to pick JUST ONE, it would have to be my uncanny ability to kill flys/bees/mosquitos etc. with an elastic band. You can not walk by my classroom when Spring rolls around and not hear some kid yelling and screaming "A BEE!!!!!" or "THERE'S A FLY!!!!" and who can blame them? Any excuse to stop them from having to listen to me ramble on and on needs to be taken advantage of (I know, you should NEVER end a sentence in a preposition, but it seemed ok to do so in that sentence, and I couldn't think of anything else to say, so get over it.)
Anyway, in my delusional, mess-up mind, I seriously watch "Top Shot" and think "maybe I can film myself shooting a fly with an elastic and maybe I can get on the show and win $100,000. Even when I just typed that last sentence I think I still believe it. Can someone please keep me in the loop if they hear anything about "Top Shot - Season 4" casting?
Also, Survivor's Colby Donaldson is the host, and he could host a thumb war contest and I would probably still watch.
32. How I Met Your Mother (2005 - Present) - I think I enjoy this show so much because the characters are almost exactly my age. Much like the cast of "Boy Meets World", I feel as though I am growing up with Barney, Marshal, Ted, Lily and Robin. OK, I kind of feel like I am growing up with Barney, because he is much more similar to me than say, Lily, but you get the point. Of course, many of the situations are completely unrealistic and would never happen in real life, I still feel as though they could be real people and they actually remind me of myself and some of my friends. I really like the format of the show and the fact that we know how it ends; we just don't know who Ted ends up with. I do not like that we are suppose to believe that Ted actually remembers every little detail of what happened to him 15 years prior; especially when he had been drinking. I can barely remember details from last night and I didn't even drink last night...... or did I......... Oh, well, I don't remember.
Season 1
Season 2
Season 3
Season 4Now that I just ran around my block 24 times, I can continue.
I know what you're thinking "Ryan, you are weak, and lazy, and would never hurt anyone, Did watching the Contender make you want to become a boxer?" I think you all know the answer to that question. YES!
I have come to the conclusion that maybe I like shows like "Top Chef" "Top Shot" "The Contender" because I know that I can never be any of the professions on these shows. It may be way too late for me to become a chef, marksman, or boxer, but I can still root on my favorites and watch as their dream come true.
I am still waiting for "Top Name that Tune" in which each contestant must name a song the quickest until only one contestant remains and wins a million dollars. OR "Top Napper" in which 16 contestants must stay in bed napping for days on end just watching TV, reading, or surfing the internet. I would demolish everyone. Or how about "Top Quickest to Leave Work" in which contestants must race to see who can leave their place of employment the fastest once your work day is done.
Maybe someday I will be the best, or the fastest, or the sleepiest, and win a ton of money. But until then all I can do is continue to buy tickets to any season of "The Contender" in which the finale is anywhere near me (I went to the season 2 and 3 finales and was actually even mistaken for an eliminated boxer at the season 3 finale. Imagine how drunk that person must have been to think that I was on "The Contender." Maybe the "Contender" swag that I was wearing at the time had something to do with it. And of course I will continue to say hello (and try not to act starstruck) by Peter Manfrado Jr. (season one runner-up) every other week when I see him at Citizens Bank in Johnston. I think he is actually getting a little scared of me, but I swear it is a coincidence and I do not plan my banking to revolve around when he is going to be there.
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