Favorite TV Shows #30 - 26

30. Seinfeld (1989 - 1998) - I am usually not someone who is very easily swayed and rarely succumb to peer pressure.***

*** I am referring to peer pressure when it comes to pop culture. Not peer pressure when it comes to everyday life. I actually may be the worst succumber to peer pressure in the world. I can't really say no to anything. I feel real bad when I have to say no to people. I often find myself sitting at a bar having a beer even when I do not feel like drinking just to avoid having to say no to the person who desperately wanted to have a beer with me. I can't say no to homeless people when they are begging me for change. I can't say no to people that want me to buy things; infomercials, kiosk workers, door-to-door salesman, etc. Even just today, I went to Rite Aid to buy some blank CD's and I got pressured into getting the FLU shot, (which I didn't even want) just because the nice pharmacy lady asked me and seemed to really want to give someone a flu shot.***

Anyway, what does this have to do with Seinfeld? Well, while I do really like Seinfeld, I feel as though I may have placed it this high because of how classic the show is. If you didn't like "Seinfeld" in high school than you might as well have joined the choir and worn suspenders and pocket protectors to school.

As I said before, I did like "Seinfeld", and still do, however, I feel as though I was pressured into liking it and am unsure if I would have liked it as much if I was locked in a room, cut off from everyone else, and could simply just have decided for myself as to how much I liked it.


29. You Can't Do That on Television (1981 - 1990) I DON'T KNOW (AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Green Slime) why I like "You Can't Do That on Television" so much, but I do. Actually, I do know why, because it is AWESOME!!!!! I just wanted to begin my write up with the phrase "I Don't Know" because, as you may know, every time anyone said "I Don't Know" on the show, they got the iconic green slime dumped on them.
I found a quite ridiculous article about former cast members having a serious disease they refer to as "GSS" or Green Slime Syndrome." It is quite interesting, but just a little hard to believe. I mean, Alanis Morissette is pretty super-human, but if she is fine (she was a child actor on the show) than I question whether GSS is just a ploy.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/exnickelodeon-stars-relate-horrors-of-green-slime,1174/

Here are just a few of my favorite parts of a typical YCDTOT episode, including its brilliant opening.  
                            OPENING THEMES (3)

I Don't Know / Water Scene

Introduction to the Opposites

Barf's / Firing Squad

I think CBS/NBC/ABC really needs to consider picking up this show for the 2012-2013 television season. A comeback is definitely in order. Maybe they couldn't do that on television in the 80's, but they certainly CAN do that (and more) on television in 2011.

28. Hell's Kitchen (2005 - Present) - For whatever reason I don't find many things funnier on TV than when Gordan Ramsey loses his cool on "Hell's Kitchen" and calls an overweight female contestant a fat cow or even funnier, a Donkey, and she (and everyone else) is fine with it. Gordan Ramsey is literally one of my favorite people of all time, but I am not too sure how he can get away with calling these people awful, hurtful names and they still respect and love him.

One thing I hate about "Hell's Kitchen" is how absolutely terrible the contestants are. Granted there are a few really good chefs in the mix, but typically the first 5 or 6 people eliminated seem like they are plucked right off the streets. I also marvel over the fact that apparently a pre-requisite for being on the show is that you must be a chain-smoker and if you are a female chef, you can not be attractive what-so-ever.

Each year I think about applying to the show. I would simply make a video, tell them I am a teacher and have absolutely zero cooking skills, however, I will pick up the habit of smoking a pack a day, AND the only thing I will practice cooking for the next month will be scallops, beef-wellington, and risotto. They is NO WAY they would not pick me. Mostly all it takes to get real far in the competition is to make really good risotto, and not bring Chef Ramsey RAW scallops. If there is one thing Chef Ramsey HATES with a passion, it is a raw scallop.

WARNING - Extremely awful language. Mom, please do not watch. I know you already do not like him, and this will make you not like him even more, and that would just hurt my feelings. He really is a nice guy, you just need to get to know him, or win a reward challenge and go on a helicopter ride with him. He is a real softy. With that being said, this video is HILARIOUS and I love him even more now.



HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHA. He is going to drop dead one of these days and I will bet all the money in my bank account that his final words will be "IT'ssssssssssssss raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwww."

27. Married... With Children (1987 - 1997) - Just about the entire Bundy family would make my list of my top 100 Television Characters of all time. Kelly, Al, Peggy, and Bud are all classic characters and impossible to forget. Al Bundy probably had the worst life of any character in television history. The show does such a great job at making the viewer have the utmost sympathy for him and his circumstances. He is a complete jerk and always miserable, but you can't help but love the guy. Wait, did I just describe myself???

This may be difficult, but I am going to give it a shot...

Favorite "Married... With Children" Characters

8.   Marcy D'Arcy - Maybe the greatest name ever, but she would be a serious contender to top my "Least favorite person of all time" list.

7.  Steve Rhodes - Wow, I really hated him too.

6.  Buck Bundy - It is no secret that I am not a huge animal guy, but I want him. I LOVE old, old, old dogs that just lie around and do nothing. They don't jump on you, they don't bark, they don't really even move. If anyone has an old, old, old, dog that they don't want anymore, I am in the market for one.

5.  Bud Bundy - He was kid of a loser, but a really cool loser thanks to his hot sister.

4.  Jefferson 'Arcy - I love how much he used and hated Macy D'Arcy. Also, he is lazy and dim-witted. Oh, and quite handsome to boot. Just saying.

3.  Peg Bundy - Totally annoying, but absolutely hysterical. Tell me she does not look JUST like the lady in the B-52's. Especially in the "Love Shack" video. Why have I never made this connection until now???

2.  Kelly Bundy - Just because she is hot and dumb does not make her my automatic favorite. But, it certainly doesn't hurt.

1.  A true American Icon. I miss him.

26. Pee-Wee's Playhouse (1986 - 1990) - Nope, I am not even remotely embarrassed about having "Pee-wee's Playhouse" as my 26th favorite show of all time. I don't care what you think about me or how your perception of me has changed. "Pee-wee's Playhouse" was a huge part of my life for 5 years and I will never pretend that it wasn't. I can think of few moments in my entire life where I was more excited to watch something than I was every Saturday morning sitting down to watch this gem. I am simply going to pretend that Pee-Wee Herman is not Paul Reubens and that Paul Reubens never did anything wrong in his life. I really think that the news reporters should have kept Paul Reubens "incident" private and not ruined the lives of Pee-Wee Herman fans. Why did they have to do that to us. Is nothing sacred anymore?

This may be the ultimate Sophie's Choice, but I am going to list my favorite Pee-Wee Herman toys.

10.   Clockey - Best Clock Ever!?

9.  Dinosaur Family. So F*****G cute!!!!!!!!

8.  Mr. Window - He had the all important job of introducing visitors to Pee-wee's playhouse, like Reba, the mail lady, Cowboy Curtis, and my personal favorite, Ms. Yvonne, my first love.

7.   Globey  - Globey would often assist Pee-wee with important Geography, History and Language questions. I sure could have used Globey in my class when I taught 7th grade Geography. That sure would have saved me some embarrassing "Uhhhhhhhhh, I Don't Know's" when asked a particularly difficult question from a smart, know-it-all student.

6.  Conky - Without Conky, we would never get the "secret word" of the day. Every time Pee-wee said the "secret word" he would scream like a lunatic and I, in turn, would laugh my head off like a lunatic.

5.  Jambi - Jambi was the nice genie head that would always grant Pee-wee his wishes. What a guy. Jambi gave us the catchphrase "Mecca-lecca-hi-mecca-hiney-ho" which I feel like my cousins, brother and I still use quite often. Is that weird for a bunch of thirty-something year old guys???

4. .  Magic Screen - Silly Pee-wee would often jump inside Magic Screen and play connect-the-dots, while singing a fitting song which went, "connect the dots, la la la la, connect the dots, la, la, la, la."

3.  Pterri - Pterri and Pee-wee were BFF's and I was always jealous of how close they were. Pterri was such a nice pterodactyl and was very innocent and sensitive (he was also terrified of thunderstorms, the poor thing.) Pterri was often picked on by the mean bully Randy, who, needless to say, did not make my list of favorite Pee-wee toys.

2.  Penny - I think I always had a little crush on Penny. I don't care that she was made of clay and her eyes were copper pennies. She was still kind of cute and I knew no better when I was nine.

1.  Chairry - I want, no let me rephrase that, I NEED a Chairry more than I need any useless thing I can think of. I would put Chairry right in my living room and sit in it every night and let it hug me and I would hug it back. If you think I am kidding, or exaggerating, you clearly do not know me. If someone could do some research and find me my very own Chairry I would be forever indebted to you.

Now that I just spent over an hour and a half of my life writing about "Pee-wee's Playhouse" I will conclude by attaching what is one of the greatest television openings of all time. Enjoy!

I will never get tired of watching that. EVER!



Favorite TV Shows #40 - 31

40. Salute Your Shorts (1991 - 1992) - "Salute Your Shorts" is another show that made me want to become a child actor. I would have done just about anything to be able to spend the summer at Camp Anawanna. As an adult, I still often daydream and picture myself sitting around a campfire at Camp Anawanna and singing along with "Ug" and friends.
I'm not sure why I do this to myself because it only makes me depressed; but I found a "where are they now" of the "Salute Your Shorts" cast, and I can not believe how old I have become. "Ug" is 58 years old. FIFTY EIGHT!
I want you all to share in my pain and depression, so I will rank the cast of "Salute Your Shorts" and include a picture of what they looked like then (in 1991) and, sadly, what they look like now.

#9 -

Donkeylips - And you thought he couldn't get more disgusting than he was as a teenager. I am definitely having nightmares tonight!

#8


Budnick - He is married. With a kid. What is this world coming to?

#7


Telly - What a brat.

#6


Sponge - The blonde Harry Potter before Harry Potter was even born. Good move ditching the glasses, Sponge.


#5


Dina- She was quite mean at times, but there were a lot of pranks being pulled at Camp Anawanna. One may get a tad annoyed with that after a while.

#4 -


"Ug" - Being a 30 something year old full time camp counselor is quite embarrassing, I guess I would be mean to the kids too.

#3

Despite his hair we was one of the coolest kids at Camp Anawanna. Today, he is by far the most successful of the Camp Anawanna kids as he is the lead guitarist in the band Rilo Kiley, and for a while was even engaged to Winona Rider. Quite Impressive.


#2


Michael - The best friend I never had.


#1

Z.Z - God must have spent a little more time on her!

I almost just cried listening to that. I need help.

39. The Apprentice (2004 - Present) - Staying true to form, I don't think there is an elimination reality show that I dislike, however, each new season of "The Apprentice" I ask myself why I am watching this show. I literally could not care any less about Donald Trump and his employees, so why in the world do I care who wins this show? I still don't know why I enjoy the show, but it may have a lot to do with its celebrity seasons. How can I not love a show where Meatloaf has multiple emotional breakdowns then almost rips Gary Busey's head off while being held back by Mark McGrath of the band Sugar Ray. You CAN NOT write that stuff.
 Most reality shows have at least a few contestants that I can relate to on some level,  but "The Apprentice" contestants always tend to be people who care about being serious, and dressing in suits and ties. I can not think of two things I dislike more; being serious, and wearing a suit.

If you only watch one more video clip for the rest of your life, it needs to be this. Just one of Meatloaf's EPIC Meltdowns. This was over some sponges and finger paints that he thought poor Gary Busey stole. Meatloaf later finds his bag from the arts and crafts store and realizes he may have over-reacted just a smidge.


38. Friends (1994 - 2004) - In my opinion, "Friends" was just a little too inconsistent. Some episodes are classics and some episodes are utterly unforgettable. The writers of "Friends" do deserve credit however, because I don't think there are many people in America that can't name the "Friends" crew. Not only can most people name them, but they probably feel like they actually know them. Each character was so distinct and easy to relate to, which is why "Friends" is such a classic show. I watched "Friends" religiously for about five years. Then, it was placed up against "Survivor" on Thursday nights, and before DVR, there was simply no way for me to watch it. I shudder to think about what I would do today with the DVR............... Fine, without BOTH of my DVR's.


37. Baywatch (1989 - 2001) - The ONLY reason I watched "Baywatch" was for the acting abilities of its cast members. Do I even need to say that I'm kidding?? Did they even talk on the show or just run down the beach and make rescues? I am very partial to "Baywatch" because I was a lifeguard for 8 years and (not to toot my own horn or anything) was kind of a big deal. I suppose I did mean to toot my own horn. I was a lifeguard machine and even was awarded "Rookie of the Year" and several gold medals while taking on the role of the victim in the annual, world famous, Rhode Island Lifeguard Games. I think I am even a better actor than 90% of the "Baywatch" cast. While on the topic of tooting my own horn; I am also charming, kind, caring, generous, intelligent, witty, talented, and an all around wonderful man.
But yeah, "Baywatch" was great, wasn't it?

God, I looked so good in that blue bandanna.

Look at the water dummy. Somebody could be drowning.

                                                           Look how serious I'm pretending to be.


36. Romper Room (1953 - 1994) - Many people may not know this show, but in my 31 years of jam-packed life, there are not many things that I have loved more than 5 year old Ryan loved "Romper Room." I will never forget the beginning of each episode when the lady would hold up the mirror and say "I see Bobby" "I see Sue" "I see Danny" "I see Julie" etc. I remember one time, ONE TIME, she said "I see Ryan" and I think that is when I realized that I was not the only Ryan in the world. What would I have done without "Romper Room?"
I know that I probably should not do this, but I am now going to attempt finding a clip of "Romper Room" to share with all my loyal blog readers. (I say I shouldn't do this because as you may know I tend to get a little emotion when it comes to television shows of the past, AND also I have been sitting alone, in Austin International Airport on a few hours of sleep after completing the Tough Mudder challenge, and currently I am extremely sore, exhausted, hungover, and probably extremely emotionally unstable.) A clip of my beloved "Romper Room" may just push me over the edge. We'll see.....

UMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM What the F????????????????????????????????? Seriously? THAT is what I loved so much? I know my parents love me very much and always had nothing but the best intentions, but why they let me be so obsessed with this show is a little hurtful. Did they NOT want me to be cool?

OK. I love it again. What a catchy theme song. I wonder if I can download the theme song on Itunes.


35. Top Chef / Top Chef: Just Desserts (2006 - Present / 2010 - 2011) - Now I well aware of the fact that I am an exceptionally bad chef/cook/baker etc, however, watching "Top Chef" and its sister show, "Top Chef: Just Desserts" gives me such a strong urge to make cooking my profession. Occasionally I will try to make one of the delicious, mouth-watering dishes seen on the show. I go to the store, spend a ton of cash on ingredients, make a complete mess of my kitchen, ruin the food, and end up drinking an entire bottle of wine out of frustration. So, thanks a lot Padma, Tom et. all. Its 100% your fault that there is only 2 bottles of wine left in my wine fridge; I take absolutely no blame.



34. Fresh Prince of Bel Air (1990 - 1996) - I have been an avid lover of Rock Music for as long as I can remember. My first cassette tapes were George Harrison's (the Beatles) "I Got My Mind Set On You" and Fleetwood Mac's "Little Lies." Granted, if somebody overheard me listen to either of those two songs today I would be mortified, but they are two of the greatest, most well respected groups of all time (I am obviously referring to the Beatles, not simply George Harrison's solo career.) My first two CD's were Counting Crows "August and Everything After" and Green Day's "Dookie." I have been to hundreds and hundreds of Rock shows over the past 15 years, and own more than 1,000 CD's, 99.8% being Rock Music. I even have a tattoo of my favorite rock band embroidered onto my body. That is pretty hard core, right?

Well, what does any of this have to do with "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air?" Well, the fresh prince almost changed one of, if not THE, biggest part of who I am; he almost made me a rapper.
I remember being so proud of knowing the entire theme song (which, of course, is a rap.) Now, I can do a lot of things very well, I have even been known to get up on stage and belt out a rock song or two, however, I also know my weaknesses and saying I am an awful rapper is still an understatement.
I look back at some pictures of myself and some choice clothing of mine in 4th - 7th grade and it makes me cringe. I have only "The Fresh Prince of Bel Air" to blame for that. YES, of course I own Will Smith's "Millennium" CD, and yes, I do try to strategically place it in my CD tower so nobody can see it, but I have to admit, there was a small amount of time in my life that I could have taken a wrong turn and strayed away from my beloved Alternative Rock music. Clearly our bond was too strong, even for Will Smith to break us apart.
"Fresh Prince of Bel Air" will be a classic, and adorned for generations to come. It also, has the distinguished honor of being my favorite comedy, based on an African American family, of all time. I would, however, like to apologize to every cab driver of all time that has heard the phrase "You, Homes, Smell you later!" as that, too is entirely Will Smith's fault.


33. Top Shot (2010 - Present) - It is very rare that I become so obsessed with a show as quickly as I did with "Top Shot." After only a few minutes of catching a re-run I was hooked. Just like "Top Chef" makes me want to become a chef, "Top Shot" makes me want to become a competitive marksman (is that what you call them?) If I had to say one hidden talent that I have; if I was forced to pick JUST ONE, it would have to be my uncanny ability to kill flys/bees/mosquitos etc. with an elastic band. You can not walk by my classroom when Spring rolls around and not hear some kid yelling and screaming "A BEE!!!!!" or "THERE'S A FLY!!!!" and who can blame them? Any excuse to stop them from having to listen to me ramble on and on needs to be taken advantage of (I know, you should NEVER end a sentence in a preposition, but it seemed ok to do so in that sentence, and I couldn't think of anything else to say, so get over it.)
Anyway, in my delusional, mess-up mind, I seriously watch "Top Shot" and think "maybe I can film myself shooting a fly with an elastic and maybe I can get on the show and win $100,000. Even when I just typed that last sentence I think I still believe it. Can someone please keep me in the loop if they hear anything about "Top Shot - Season 4" casting?

Also, Survivor's Colby Donaldson is the host, and he could host a thumb war contest and I would probably still watch.


32. How I Met Your Mother (2005 - Present) - I think I enjoy this show so much because the characters are almost exactly my age. Much like the cast of "Boy Meets World", I feel as though I am growing up with Barney, Marshal, Ted, Lily and Robin. OK, I kind of feel like I am growing up with Barney, because he is much more similar to me than say, Lily, but you get the point. Of course, many of the situations are completely unrealistic and would never happen in real life, I still feel as though they could be real people and they actually remind me of myself and some of my friends. I really like the format of the show and the fact that we know how it ends; we just don't know who Ted ends up with. I do not like that we are suppose to believe that Ted actually remembers every little detail of what happened to him 15 years prior; especially when he had been drinking. I can barely remember details from last night and I didn't even drink last night...... or did I......... Oh, well,  I don't remember.

31. The Contender (2005 - 2009) - Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, pumps me up more than the theme song of "The Contender." Please do not continue reading until your listen to this.

Season 1

Season 2

Season 3

Season 4

Now that I just ran around my block 24 times, I can continue.

I know what you're thinking "Ryan, you are weak, and lazy, and would never hurt anyone, Did watching the Contender make you want to become a boxer?" I think you all know the answer to that question. YES!
I have come to the conclusion that maybe I like shows like "Top Chef" "Top Shot" "The Contender" because I know that I can never be any of the professions on these shows. It may be way too late for me to become a chef, marksman, or boxer, but I can still root on my favorites and watch as their dream come true.
I am still waiting for "Top Name that Tune" in which each contestant must name a song the quickest until only one contestant remains and wins a million dollars. OR "Top Napper" in which 16 contestants must stay in bed napping for days on end just watching TV, reading, or surfing the internet. I would demolish everyone. Or how about "Top Quickest to Leave Work" in which contestants must race to see who can leave their place of employment the fastest once your work day is done.
Maybe someday I will be the best, or the fastest, or the sleepiest, and win a ton of money. But until then all I can do is continue to buy tickets to any season of "The Contender" in which the finale is anywhere near me (I went to the season 2 and 3 finales and was actually even mistaken for an eliminated boxer at the season 3 finale. Imagine how drunk that person must have been to think that I was on "The Contender." Maybe the "Contender" swag that I was wearing at the time had something to do with it. And of course I will continue to say hello (and try not to act starstruck) by Peter Manfrado Jr. (season one runner-up) every other week when I see him at Citizens Bank in Johnston. I think he is actually getting a little scared of me, but I swear it is a coincidence and I do not plan my banking to revolve around when he is going to be there.